This is too complicated for me!

Is it the role of someone else to help you? Do you trust believe that you can't manage your money on your own? You need to find help, but you don't know where to turn and you can't be bothered to make it a priority to go out and find a solution to the problems you are expressing.

"I can't be expected to balance my accounts on my own."

"It's OK for them. They are better educated and understand this stuff better than me."

"She can manage her money. She's more savvy than I am."

"I can't do this number stuff. I did bad at mathematics when I was at school."

"My own expenses are so different from my neighbor / workmate / brother ..."

"I could do this if only my parents had explained all this to me when I was a kid."

"It's difficult for me on my low income in this job."

These are just a few of the reasons I have heard people give for being out of control when it comes to money and their dealing poorly with money. It doesn't matter what the reason is that they give. The one that you like to use or have latched on to when explaining your difficulties around money is just an excuse. It is an excuse for pushing the responsibility away and either giving it to someone else who should have helped you or taught you or shown you how to do this "money stuff." They didn't. So get over it.

Any of these items are the warning signs of your debting behavior. When it comes to sorting out your debts and dealing with your money in a way that works, then you have to recognize that you need to let go of the excuses. Only you know your numbers. Only you can make the changes in the way that you deal with money in your life.

We all deal with money differently. None of us are the same. My experience of debt is unique to me. Yours is personal to you. If you see yourself in any one or more of the warning signs then it's time to start to adopt a few new habits. There is a quote that says:

"The definition of madness is doing the same thing again and again and expecting a different result."

I do like the truth of the words. If you are doing the same things with your money month after month - and you are still unable to pay all your bills then something needs to change this month if you are going to make some positive progress. You are what needs to change. You have created the situation you are in by the small actions and consistent behaviours you have made to reach this miserable place. The lack of control, the fear, the embarrassment you feel are all real. The good news though, is that you have all the resources you need to become debt free and the first step along the way is to recognise that the mistakes have been made.

If you are continuing to ignore the post, telephone calls from creditors, and are still experiencing the fear of a 'decline' message when you put your bank card in a shop or caf card machine, then let's start to do some things differently.

You don't want to continue your debting. We all want to deny that the problem is here, or we want to pretend that we are not affected by debt. This is natural behavior to protect ourselves, to defend against the suggestion that we are out of control financially. Going forward from here, your solutions lie in changing your debting behaviour and adopting new practices around money. Not just about earning money, though increasing your income is an important place to focus your attention. At the same time you need to recognise the need to change the way you shop, adapt the current poor saving behaviour, and to cut your costs in every single place you can.