We struggle to let go of the very special items in our homes precisely because we first bring them in for a reason. We love them or have given them a cherished value. We saw them as being our link to someone we have loved. Perhaps we received them from a favourite grandparent or a school teacher who was our coach and mentor. Possibly we hold onto that blanket because it was on our Aunt's bed or in a blanket box that our grandmother left to us in her will.
Those vinyl records can't be played on any digital device you own in your apartment, but you hang on to the albums because of what? Your Dad had albums of his own when he was a boy so you bought your own collection of them at a vintage market. It is this magic which we often add to objects that forces us then to continue holding onto them long after any real functional or practical value has passed us by.
We hang onto things because we are people with emotions and feelings and we assign value and meaning to everything we see or come into contact with. We have to do this to stop ourselves getting into total overwhelm or melt down when faced with a thousand and one choices every day.
You see a mahogany box that your uncle stored his love letters in from your aunty before she died and so you give that simple wooden box a value in your mind. You add to it all the memories of riding a bike from your own house as a kid to see your aunty Mabel and uncle Jack. You think of all the ice creams they bought you and some of the presents for your first teenage birthday. All of this heavy emotional baggage attaches itself to the box. Now the box is not simply a 'box'. It has become a store of memory, a reflection of your childhood, a visual link to how you grew up. It is so much more than wood and the pins that hold it together or the varnish that allows it to shine, or the crack in the back where it was once dropped on a pavement when your uncle moved into his care home as an elderly man. It has become a part of you. And you wonder why you find it hard to let go of the things in your life?
Everything has meaning and connection - good or bad - because we give such qualities and meanings to each thing we handle. You have my understanding and my empathy with this difficult process. Your home is a reflection of you and your values. It represents your sense of identity, of who you are to yourself as well as to those whose opinion you take on board. Your house or apartment is a mirror of how you feel about yourself and how you see yourself. The furniture, artwork, decorative style, clothing, photographs on display, all of these are elements of you.
Your Family Souvenirs:
- The piano that had pride of place in your grandmother's living room, but which you cannot play and which takes up so much place.
- The walking stick and row of medals that were your grandfather's.
- The swivel leather chair and footstool that your Dad bought the week of his retirement in a colour you don't really like.
- The pocket watch that was worn by your great grandfather.
- The clutch bag that belonged to your mother.
- The pottery vase or cut glass crystal decanter that you don't use because you choose not to have flowers in the house or to serve drinks in a formal way.
- A photo album from a wedding one hundred years ago and which you know is somehow connected to a relative, but you don't know which one.
- A fountain pen that your Mum had when a school girl and which works fine, but you rarely write letters by hand.
These are sometimes heirloom items which connect us to the larger family network and discarding them creates feelings of disloyalty.
Comfort Objects from Childhood:
- How about the soft toys you had as a youngster or the comfort blanket you had first in your cot and then in your bed?
- A book collection that was relevant to you as a six year old, but you are now twenty seven!
- Printed class photographs from your first year at school.
- A plastic crate of boxed games and toys that you might be keeping handy for your grandchildren, who are not born yet!
- A uniform or handbook from the scout group you were part of when you were ten and eleven, but which was three decades ago.
- A wooden baseball or cricket bat from teenage years when we played well at senior school level, but which is now just gathering dust in the garage.
We don't set out to acquire rooms of stuff that we make little use of. Instead we attribute value to something because of the memory trigger it gives and the feelings it stirs within us. We allow this magical quality to settle on it and we end up struggling to know what to let go of because everything becomes special. All that we choose to keep has a powerful hold over us.
It need not be this way and I want to give you some simple indicators of the magical qualities you have attributed to your stuff. Use this as a helpful guide to determine what you must keep and what you can confidently discard. By doing this you will allow so much lighter, more positive energy into your living space and change the focus of your life. This allows you to feel more free and to live a life on purpose.
Indicators of potential magical value for your objects :
- If it was broken or lost would you be unhappy?
- Are you reluctant to throw it away, even after you have stopped using it?
- If someone took it away would you buy it back regardless of the cost?
- Do you think that it could not be replaced by another of equal function or value?
- Do you refer to it by name or give it a personality within your home?
- Would you struggle to let it go even if someone offered you full market value?