There will be some elements of your past wrapped up in your current 'grown-up' world of hanging onto things or even to obsessive hoarding. Taking time to look at these and to journal about what you observe and learn can be very helpful.
I gather books around me like they will never be printed again! Pens fill my house. Stationery is something I value as a jeweller might adore diamonds. If I take these three points of clutter I can see where the root of my addictions begins. It starts with childhood.
As the first of seven children there was always a younger sibling who would see something I had and want it for themselves. It was often a pen or pencil that I used for schoolwork which would disappear to be used for scribbling or colouring in a book. A book I had been given when pre-school and which I remembered even then having read to me by my Mum or Dad, would be pulled by a brother or sister and the pages would be ripped or smudged or be covered in their food. At some point I must have had the thought that "I need more pens because they are always being taken" or "I need to put my books out of reach so that my sisters can't get hold of them". And so my gathering of books and stationery began. My problem is that it has never stopped!
When I am in a bookstore I go weak at the knees with the desire to buy at least one book and take it home. Often for the reading of the story that I am attracted to from the cover blurb, but always more for the sense of ownership, of being able to declare that"these books are mine". I have exactly the same sensations when I am in the stationery department of a store, or even better, if I am in a shop that only sells pens. Biros, fountain pens, brushed metal pens, gel pens, propelling pencils, erasers, pencil sharpeners. Surrounded by these I am in heaven.
Look for the evidence of hoarding.
Consider this ridiculous piece of information which is totally relevant to this article. I am working in the local library this morning and my pen case is next to my laptop. Given what I have just been thinking about I have emptied the case onto the table and find I have eighteen pens with me. Not a couple but eighteen, for goodness sake!
For evidence of my OCD tendencies (at least I can embrace it) here are the details:
4 fountain pens, blue ink.
5 gel pens, black ink.
5 biros, black ink.
4 felt pens, red, green, brown and blue ink.
Why do I have so many pens around me? I am writing on a laptop at this stage of the book before I print and then do an edit by hand and with a pen. I use a paper diary and can use that with just three pens of different colours. Why don't I have just three pens with me today when I am primarily putting my thoughts down on a laptop?
Looking at my own past and seeing the stationery addiction, all this makes perfect sense. I have so many pens precisely because their presence gives me a sense of who I am with the "I am a writer" part of my identity, but also because I made the decision as a teenager that I would always make sure I had enough of what I wanted and which other people could not take away from me. Even now I am protecting myself from fear of loss.
That's an interesting observation for me to add to my journal later! Things like this will continue to surprise you as you start and then add to your own journal as you go through this process of Letting Go. We learn from the very same insights we can help ourselves to reach.
For that same journal here is a simple question for you to consider:
"What can I learn about my hoarding behaviour by exploring the past that has shaped me and my approach to possessions?"
Good luck with seeking help, and also for finding practical support with the clearing of things that are covering up surfaces and filling the cupboards and storage areas of your home. You can do something about this where it is causing you to feel overwhelmed and lost. Don't be slow in coming forward and seeking support and guidance. When you take action, by dealing with just one shelf or one drawer at a time, you will make progress. Make your decluttering behaviour consistent. Over time this positive action will combine to give you increasingly good outcomes for you and the space you can enjoy living in.