by admin | Apr 14, 2020 | Simple Self Help
While knowing what you want is a useful skill in life and a great way of thinking to move things forward and to improve your circumstances, there is a vast difference between knowing as a logical activity and visualizing as a means of bringing the emotions of that circumstance closer to you.
To really feel, and see and to build a clear picture of how you want your situation to be is a greatly more powerful way forward.
For many years I struggled enormously with my moods, allowing the feelings of guilt and shame from my past, the untaken opportunities, and the regretted behaviors to cause me pain and great sadness. I allowed the baggage and the discomfort to come along with each day, permitting the past to not only distort, but even damage the present moment that I was in. It sometimes felt as though I was actually inviting it to join me for the day!
Can you imagine yourself doing anything so silly as encouraging a group of people you either dislike, find uncomfortable to be around or simply cannot bear, to be with you for hours at a time and at your own request? No of course not! I didn't think you were so foolish so it must just have been me and my crazy ways of thinking.
Starting slowly and with small attempts at recovering myself, I used to talk with friends who had made the move from where they had been emotionally and in a place they did not want, to stepping gradually into a space that was more supportive, more true to who they really were.
They explained that a significant part of their own improvement had come from the act of foreseeing or envisioning the situation that they wanted to create for themselves. A friend who was constantly struggling with unfulfilled relationships began to create a picture in his mind of himself and a beautiful woman who would understand him, share her dreams with him, and with whom he could develop a safe and loving relationship.
Over a period of several months working with this picture he attracted several good women into his life, and eventually one with whom he entered into a truly loving relationship. In this new relationship he found himself feeling safe and cherished for the first time in his adult life.
A young couple who were living in a cramped first floor apartment in the city, and making barely enough each month to cover their rent and utility bills, wanted desperately to make the break to the suburbs where they felt they could spend the same amount of money on a small house with a garden. Keen to start a family together, but unsure that the city was the right place for them to bring up a child in such shabby surroundings, they were encouraged to work with visualizing the kind of place they wanted to be in.
They began to cut pictures of living spaces, homes and gardens from magazines, postcards, street scenes of small communities, and any images that they felt represented the sort of place where they wanted to move to. They placed the pictures on several notice boards around their apartment and kept their faith that the Universe would support them in their goal.
A month into the building of their dream boards, the woman received a call from a friend at work. She was ringing to ask if they wanted to look at a house ten miles out of town in a beautiful semi-rural community on the outskirts of the city. It belonged to a family member who wanted either to sell or to rent the place out. They jumped at the chance to go see the place and inspect it for themselves. When they got out there it was precisely what they wanted and the living room and garden were virtually identical to two of the pictures that they had been envisioning and working with for that past month!
Visualizing what you want means putting yourself in a place emotionally and mentally where you can see in your mind's eye the ideal outcome that you want to attract to you.
It differs from Goal Setting as a process, but builds upon that activity. By creating the picture you are involving more senses than just thought. The visual image involves your sight. Putting yourself physically in the place you imagine allows you to engage your physical senses of touch, sound, even taste, as you imagine and visualize yourself in that place, that circumstance, participating in that desired opportunity. While you are there you can allow your emotions to complete the picture by feeling what it is like to be there and to have the sensations all around you.
Begin to visualize today. Start with something small that you would like to have happen or which you would like to attract. Notice the feelings you associate with the outcome being achieved and allow yourself to explore how good it feels to have this happening for you.
by admin | Mar 17, 2020 | Simple Self Help
You have just one life and this comprises thousands of single days.
How you use your time is something written about in a hundred books. Lots of people are efficient at "time management" but dreadfully ineffective personally. Time management is not the answer.
You need to decide what you are looking to do each day and have a plan for this the night before. Make a simple list of the things ahead of you. This is easy enough. Then prioritize them according to your values and what is important to you. It is this step that takes the thoughtfulness, but which then gives you a list of tasks and activities that will make you effective in a powerful way.
Effectiveness means cutting through the everyday "stuff" that turns up in your diary and in-box, and getting on with what matters to you and what will really make a difference for you.
My friend and neighbour Simon is a complete wizard at dealing with paperwork and email. I once invited him over to the house to help me take back control of my desk. Not only did we go through a tonne of papers, files, letters, magazines, articles, bills, and emails, but we threw so much of it away that I was amazed.
We did the same with the contents of my filing cabinets and ended up getting money in for the office furniture and storage that was no longer needed. I had been hanging on to information in case I might one day need it. I was rather scared at throwing out all this "stuff" I had accumulated. Guess what he said to me?
"If it was really important, the people who sent it can let you have another version and most of them could even send it to you electronically and do away with the mass of paper."
What you will be doing from this moment on is a result of choosing where you focus your attention. I dislike the phrase "attention management" and suggest instead you just get on with it.
Rather than being driven by the time-bound calendar approach consider assessing what needs to be done on the basis of your values, your choices, and the things that make your life the exciting journey it is for you.
Measure your effectiveness by whether you are moving forward with the projects of importance to you. Everything else can go.
by admin | Feb 18, 2020 | Simple Self Help
Ever notice that people do stupid things that seem to hurt and upset you? Do you honestly think they really do all the dumb, crazy and stupid things they do, just to get you upset? Get real! They probably don't even know half the time that you are even aware of their own stuff. Do you really think that you can change them or their behavior unless they want to make the changes for themselves?
It might not be that someone is doing anything at all with a connection intended or otherwise of causing you upset. Years ago when I was broken-hearted that a girl had not noticed me, let alone done anything to encourage me to spend time with her, my friend Glenn put it perfectly.
"While you are sitting around at home and moping, she's out dancing."
He was right! In that instance I did not even figure in her thinking and yet I was reacting to nothing and imagining the worst of everything. Who was suffering in all of this ridiculous one sided 'pity-party' way of thinking? Only me!
What good is it doing you to hang onto critical thinking about other people? How much energy are you using up in holding negative and hurtful or painful thoughts about someone? Someone might actually be a jerk. Is it going to have much impact on your life? Not unless you choose to let it. Let them go. Free up some space in your mind and your heart for other better things to come in. You do want something better, don't you?
Other people's stuff is just that, it is theirs. It is not yours. One of the quickest ways for you to get yourself stressed out is to judge that:
a) what someone else does or how they lead their life is wrong, and
b) that it is your mission to either do something about it or to be affected by it.
Likewise, if you have found yourself imposing pain and upset on others and are aware of doing it, then stop now.
What right do you have to create this pain and hassle on them?
Closer to home, what good is it doing you anyway? What is the payback or benefit you get from wasting your energy this way?
I doubt you will see a single benefit worth holding out for and suggest you look in the mirror and let go of this behavior. Immediately.
You might just end up being happier and less stressed! That's what you can call a result!
by admin | Jan 21, 2020 | Simple Self Help
You will have heard the phrase "What You See is What You Get" and it is just as true for your speech. Self-Talk or what you say when speaking to yourself is the process of helping you change your results through changing the quality of your thoughts. How you comment on life has a way of bouncing back on you.
Consider the words that come out of your mouth and the thoughts you have. Little by little improve the quality of them, stop using critical language, start to create positive images in your mind. Reflect on good outcomes for your projects and begin to visualize the best results that are possible.
Speak well of yourself and others, of their ability and yours. Guess what? You will get what you see consistently in your mind's eye. Start to see good things happening and they will.
Try these simple and clear affirmations for effect and watch what happens in your life:
- "I am having a good day and great things are happening for me"
- "My life works."
- "I respect myself and my behavior and this gets me great results in all I do."
- "Applying my natural talents to the tasks in front of me allows me to be successful."
- "By identifying and choosing the results I want to achieve, I am likely to do the work necessary to get those same results."
- "My connection to my intuition and abilities is sufficient to create productive and successful outcomes in the goals that are truly important to me."
- "I like myself."
- "If it's to be, it's up to me."
Since your own mind is the one that you spend most of your time conversing with it makes perfect sense for you to speak with yourself in a way that is loving, appreciative and supportive.
A friend in Western Canada wrote me about how she had been experiencing such hard times in all areas of her life. Her personal finances were in a mess and she could not get any increase in earnings at work. At home she and her partner were frequently arguing and fighting over things that were almost inconsequential and yet caused great fights between them.
By taking the time to reflect on her own thoughts and the inner conversation she was having with herself, she was able to see that the words and language she had been using were largely self-critical. Around the subject of work and advancement within the company she had been thinking that her co-workers were better qualified and better skilled than herself, effectively dumbing down her own talent and ability. In her private life she was holding onto thoughts about her and her partner having nothing in common, and not being interested in any joint pastimes or activities.
Over a period of months she began to gently monitor her thoughts and the self-talk, inserting new phrases that helped her to recognise and acknowledge her skills in the workplace and the contribution she was capable of making at home. In her relationship she started to introduce more self-talk about her love for her partner and for his appreciation of her. Over time the friction between them lessened to the point that they were able to enjoy each others company again and develop their relationship to where they each wanted it to be.
The way you think and the quality or direction of those thoughts can have such a profound direct impact on your life that you should take some moments to consider how you are thinking.
Thoughts that are generally non-supportive might come though as worries, doubts or fears. More damaging still are thoughts around resentfulness, jealousy and anger. None of these can be of any real use to you and simply take up space in your thinking from other better trains of thought that could otherwise enhance your self-esteem, build your inner confidence and allow you to be more engaged with others on a daily basis.
Are you really able to hold onto a lingering thoughts of resentment about something that did not work out for you in the past, and still engage in an active conversation with a friend in the present moment? Unlikely. So you may as well begin to look at the way your thinking is creating your reality each day, and determine to have it work for you rather than against you.
by admin | Dec 24, 2019 | Simple Self Help
When you walk a friend around your home you want them to be amazed at what you have done with the space, intrigued by how you have created special places. Make your home an investment in allowing yourself to be your best, so that whether you are home with your family or out there in the world, doing whatever you do, you do it from a place of replenishment and strength.
Create and then protect your environment so that it nurtures and supports you in being truly yourself. Do whatever is necessary in terms of decoration, ornaments, attractive features, views, artwork, etc, to make the place a special one which will lift and inspire you.
If you need candles and music to relax, then don't delay in buying them and bring them home. But only bring home the ones that give you what you need.
If you feel better writing to friends on good quality traditional stationery instead of knocking out a quick email, then visit a stationery store, select a pen that you love and develop a special place for your writing and correspondence. This is a part of who you are and reflects a way that you can express yourself. Shortcuts are most often the ones that get you lost!
Likewise if you want to have the company of friends around for a special celebration of who you are and why they are important to you, then book a date in the diary and get the invites out!
On the down side of having your home as a reflection of yourself, are there any hidden - or plainly obvious - messages around the property that stare back at you? I am thinking of the clutter, rubbish, junk and other mess that you have allowed to accumulate about the place.
Try these areas to find things that may have seen their best times:
- Your wardrobe
- Your desk
- Wherever you keep your personal financial statements
- Your garage
- The attic or loft, perhaps the cupboard under the stairs
You will find things you thought you had lost and even more things you wish you had lost! Throw away those items that have no function, don't fit, have little value, and which you might never use again. If you insist on getting something in return then take it all to a car-boot sale, place small ads in your local paper, or get yourself an account with an online auction website and get some money for it.
A client told me of how she had finally thrown away the historic credit card bills of when she had been horribly in debt and which she had held onto as a sign of the troubles she had overcome. Yet, by refusing to throw these away for years, she had actually been reinforcing the feelings of debt, owing people, and agonizing about uncertain income. Within a few short months of throwing this negative junk she began to enjoy stronger and more regular income, for the first time in years.
What is the approach to your home like for yourself and those who visit you? This is so important given that if you work outside the house, it is the last impression when you leave and the first you see when you return at the end of the day. How does your pathway welcome you? What about the windows of your home?
Does the entrance reflect clarity and order, or chaos and uncertainty?
Are the images you hang on your walls ones that lift and motivate you or do you hang onto inherited items you don't want, but were afraid to give away?
Does the first room of the house fill you with positive images or drag you down mentally?
Let go of the rubbish, the clutter and the junk and make a space for more and better things to come into your life. Life will amaze you!
