by admin | Oct 23, 2022 | Declutter
Why is it so difficult for us to move through the sadness and heartbreak of a failed relationship and start again? Why do we struggle so much with the ability to feel good about ourself after the thing we were once so excited by has died?
It is tough to move on from something that didn't go the way we expected it to. This could be a job move that went badly and we left the company or business. It might be a friendship that we thought was going in a certain direction but which was then ended when we were not expecting it to. The biggest heart break comes from when a loving relationship ends and we were unprepared for it. Even when we knew that perhaps, somewhere in our heart, it was not the right thing for us or was a relationship that in various ways may not have been equal and mutually supporting, we still look back on it and wish that it had not ended. Or that it had ended with us being in control. Perhaps that it had finished with a clear bang and not a weak whimper. In any of these scenarios we are still facing the issue of letting go and struggling to know how to do it better.
In our mind we are drawn in to the whole process of "What if ..." or "Perhaps I could have ..." All you are doing in these cases is replaying the drama and stoking the pain to greater levels than you need to.
Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?
If you could let go of the sense that you were hard done by when the company let you go, or that you were taken advantage of by your partner in the relationship, or just that you would have liked to have taken more responsibility at the time in order that the failure of the relationship or the ending of the work had not happened to you, then surely you would feel better about yourself right now.
It wasn't your fault! You have been made to look wrong! In your head you want to try and re-edit the history that has already taken place. You put effort and energy into rewriting the script of what actually happened or of the times when you had the opportunity to speak up for yourself but did not. You want to be the person who was right about how things happened or about the decision that was reached, instead of feeling that you were pushed out or dumped or ignored. In all cases you feel the hurt of the outcome that you didn't expect or want to happen.
You can think of the person who did you the harm. You can forgive them for their mistakes against you. How about seeing the whole history re-written such that you are now the innocent one who was not responsible for what took place or for your actions at the time. It can all be airbrushed out of existence or the story retold. This is at least one of the survival methods that are running around in your head. If this is your plan for recovering from the upset and the sadness, then maybe you need to be open to finding a different approach!
It's a frequently used analogy, but while you are moping around, staying home, criticising things that happened, or feeling sad and angry about what you consider took place, the other person could be out there dancing. Not literally dancing, but living their life and dealing with what is. They could be getting on, moving forward and already have let go. We are different because we are not the same. This is why, for example, four people could live under the same roof at home and have completely different perspectives on what their home life was like as children when they look back on it as adults. Try this as an easy experiment. Connect with a couple of your former school friends and get their take on what it was like to be in the same class room as you for several years. Their perspective on the same school and the same room will be completely different to yours.
It is difficult for us to let go because you have to face elements of your own behaviour and your own past actions. If you had made the right decisions earlier then you wouldn't have ended up here in this painful place, right? Wrong! Stop there right now. All these things have already taken place. What happened has happened. You have no scope to have the past be different to the way it took place.
What are your options from here? You could let it all go and admit defeat. You were wrong and you let all these things happen. Someone else was right and you got it wrong. How does that responsibility feel? Fortunately, there is another way for you to approach all of this. You could simply accept what is, let things be the way they are. It can be this simple. You have choice over your thoughts and the freewill to let go and move on.
by admin | Oct 14, 2022 | Simple Self Help
As an author who writes about the importance of pursuing your dreams, achieving your goals and doing what is right and good for you, this might seem a strange heading to begin with. But the rainbows I want you to hold back from are more the ones that promise everything but will give you nothing. They are the false hopes, the glittering shadows, the mirages that disappear as you walk toward them.
In this moment you have all you need to live a fulfilling life, but you might have forgotten this truth. It might be that you have the food you need, or the love, or the space to be yourself, or perhaps the opportunity to be creative, to express yourself. You know the truth of this right now.
There are so many attractive toys and trinkets and must-have items out there. Of course there are! But do you need them to make your life more complete in this very moment? I doubt it. Yes, they might make tomorrow look nicer and better, but you don't live in tomorrow, you have today.
Both in business and personal circles we see the time wasted by people chasing after the trophy goals and the prize items only to discover either that they reach them to understand they feel no different, or even worse - they acknowledge what they may have lost in a personal or human sense by relentless pursuit of the empty goal.
Get on with your life as it is right now. Consider the things that are important to you and the way you seek to live and to lead your own life. Take comfort from the fact that others have been this way before you, and that there is help at hand as you make your own way along the route that is right for you.
Look at the good friendships you do have, at the person who cares about you, at the people who respect you for something you have done or for a goal achieved.
Notice the achievements you had yesterday and the pleasure you felt at a kind act you did. Be aware of the gratitude that you received recently from someone for a simple gesture you made towards them.
All of these scenarios and more are true, reminding you of all the good that you already have and are able to receive now and always. Of course there are more great experiences and good things to be had, people to meet and connect with, and all of this will happen normally and within a timetable that will make itself known when the timing is right. You don't need to push or chase. Simply allow life to give you all the gifts it has for you and which you can accept in the moment.
by admin | Oct 9, 2022 | Declutter
You chose the place where you live. It might be a house, an apartment, a cottage or a beach hut, a caravan or a mansion. The place you call home is a special place because you intentionally chose it. You chose to rent or buy or move to this place which you call your own space, the place you live and where you have stamped your style. How does living here make you feel?
The place you call home is connected with all the other spaces around you and the world you inhabit. It reflects you by the way you store things there and by what you bring into the home. As your habits and collections and accumulation changes, so too does the mood and energy of the home adapt to this. Your space is a being in the sense that it is a happening, adapting, changing place as a result of how you, your possessions and your guests, visitors and family members interact with it. Even if the items in the building do not change or swap around for months at a time and the general energy of the house is low, quiet and close to static, you are still moving in the space, the contents of the food cupboards are constantly changing, post is delivered, new items from shopping trips come into the space and other things are used, finished with and removed from the space. In this most basic way there is subtle change each and every day, even though at first glance we might not realise this.
Your home is alive and existing as energy. You are not separate from your home because it is a part of you. It is a reflection of how you think and feel, just as much as you develop by the way you personally interact with the space that is offered to you. The rooms of your home are a representation of how you think and feel, a reflection of your own energy.
Everything in life is composed of energy, of molecules and tiny atoms clustered together as different forms of 'stuff'. Wood and plastic are different materials, but each composed of a set of compressed atoms. Oak, pine, larch and sycamore are all wood types, albeit with a different composition. They each have their own form of energy and this is what you pick up on when you touch the different things in your home. Add to the physical makeup of each item, the emotional energy attached to every piece of furniture, glassware, DIY tool, or art work, books, clothing and bikes.
There is a glass bottle on my desk as I write. It is a recycled bottle that has existed in other forms before reaching the shop where I bought it and the sparkling water that was in it. There is energy within that static glass structure that I have no control over. It has another energy because I know practically that I will be adding it to recycling bin so it can take on another form once crushed, heated and remade into another glass item.
Also on my desk is a tray with some coins, a watch and some keys. Each item is imbued with a different energy. The coins have been in the hands of thousands of people before me. Each has a different date of minting or issue and gives an insight into the potential places they have been used or the times they have been a part of. They have been previously used to buy petrol, scratch cards, lottery tickets, a sandwich, a book, to pay a debt, to buy food, for a bus ticket or a parking token. Every transaction brought energy with it.
The watch was a fabulous gift on the first Christmas with my partner. She gave it to me with love and made a huge effort to buy it for me. Seeing it after I removed the wrapping paper and opened the box was the most enormous pleasure. It carries those thoughts each time I wear it proudly.
The keys represent the front doors of houses that I rent out, each house more than a hundred years old. Some of the houses have been easy for us to improve and repair and rent. Others have been difficult and challenging. Each positive experience, or troublesome event is connected to the key for that front door. With each key are my recollections of the many tenants who have lived in them over time and the relationship or friendship we have enjoyed. You can see now, everything in your home has energy in one form or several.
Become connected to the energy of your home and to the play of such energies as exist between the rooms and the items you have around you. If something does not give you positive energy you can remove it from the house and let it go. If a room in your house feels stagnant and heavy, the likelihood is that it needs a clean and a refresh for it to become a different space for you. Play with variables like decoration, pictures, rugs, art work and the furniture you use. Be aware of how you feel when you change or move around the things in a room and work to get the feeling right for you.
by admin | Oct 5, 2022 | Simple Self Help
Work is a good thing and it can be a great thing if it is something you love, but don't let it be the number one thing. There is so much more that is of value, gives joy and brings you deep satisfaction. Besides you can always go back to work another day if you want to!
While it is true that your work can make it possible for you to find the money and the opportunities to be with your family or your partner or those who mean so much to you, it is not the same thing. Work in and of its own is simply a way for you to spend your time, raising invoices perhaps if you are self-employed, or pulling down a salary each month or a paycheck. There are obviously rewards and fees to be had from your work, but at what blend of results versus family or emotional losses?
Don't make your private life come second to a cold desk or a hard nosed diskdrive or that damned "meeting" or whatever other name the excuse takes. There is no need to avoid the important long-term values in your life for something that this time next month you will not be able to remember or even put a name to.
Get your priorities right and ensure that work is not at the top of them. You will always have a chance to catch up on your work. For years I mistakenly thought that if I did not get a piece of work done and emailed out, or a property sold on a certain day, that my day would have been wasted or my life less worthwhile. How wrong I was, but it took me several critical problems in my own life to see how unrealistic I was being.
You can never catch up on a missed birthday, a wedding that you must make excuses for not attending, a graduation that you cannot get to, or an anniversary that you forgot because you have been so distracted.
Where work is a true passion and an outlet for your spirit and your emotion then ignore some of what I have just said before! If the emotional pull of what you have designed your working life around, whether it is art or science or people or music scarcely matters, is creating such mental and emotional satisfaction for you then I know you have to follow it. But what does count though, is that you can apply yourself to the passion of your work with results that can be measured and not just as time spent without result. It is a difficult balancing act between work that is a passion and relationships that also mean the world to you, but you will be able to do it given the right support and encouragement.
First get a hold of your own priorities in terms of work and expression and then get them right. Identify what these priorities are and determine to protect them.
by admin | Sep 25, 2022 | Declutter
When you raise your energy people will always notice. If you want to create greater speed in the way changes happen in your life clean out your whole house or apartment. If you want to see more nice things come into your home energy, take the time to identify the possessions that don't work for you, which don't bring you peace or happiness or joy and let them go elsewhere.
They might go to the local waste or garbage site for recycling, they may go to the goodwill to create some positive for a charity wanting to raise funds and reach the new owner with ease. If you seek to create change this can happen best when you let go of what is already forming clutter and representing stagnant energy for you.
Start at the front door of your home. How does the door look? What messages does it give out? How does it welcome you to the space behind? Could it do with a fresh coat of paint? Is there some rust at a hinge or a handle? Now step through the door and into the first space. This might be a hallway with other doors coming off it, perhaps a corridor, or you could be straight into your living room. Perhaps your front door could actually be the entry straight into your kitchen. Stand where you are for fully five minutes.
I want you to notice your feelings as you stand here and look at each wall of the room, every piece of furniture, poster or picture or postcard hanging on the wall, at the hall stand or coffee table or sofas. Look at each item and think with your heart about that piece.
- Do you like it?
- Do you love it?
- What memories are associated with it?
- How do you feel when you think about the mental pictures and associations you have with that?
This exercise is the first of several for I want to ask you to stand at the doorway to each room in your home and repeat it. A couple of rooms each day is enough because the whole process of looking at each space in your house and considering your thoughts and feeling for each space can be exhausting. Be gentle with yourself as you do this.
You know already that you will be doing this for the whole of your home. It will not be possible for you to complete this exercise and remain neutral or unaffected by what you observe and your feelings as you move around the space. Many things which you have never noticed will jump in front of you to be seen. A lot of materials and textures will become more apparent to you. Sure, you have seen the item thousands of times, but now you will see it in context with what it is placed next to or under or above and you will have a reaction to this placement for the first time.
It's all quite natural, for we are so busy in our lives that we can pass by something and not see it for what it really is. We can be absorbed by our activities and not be still enough in our home to be with the things we have brought in to the space.
Taking fully five minutes in each room to observe and notice what is there and how it all interconnects, this will be a helpful exercise in noticing clearly what is in your life. Make your notes and record your observations about each area. Notice how what you write captures or describes the feelings you have in each room.
- Which area of the home do you feel most drawn to?
- Where is the emotional heart of the building?
- Which part of the house do you gravitate towards when you feel unwell because in this space you feel cosy, safe and cared for?
If there is a part of the home where you feel low energy, where is it, and what makes you feel heavy or sad when there?
Is it the space or is it an item of furniture or perhaps something displayed on a shelf?
Are there pictures on the walls of your home that you don't like, but have never let go of? Can you understand the emotions that are triggered or blocked when you consider these images?
When you are following a hobby at home, where do you notice yourself sitting?
Consider the play of light and shadow of the home and look at how this affects your personal moods and energy levels across the day and in different seasons of the year. Are your rooms organised and laid out for you to get maximum benefit from morning sunshine and afternoon or early evening sunlight?
If you moved a couple of rooms around to take full advantage of the natural warmth and energy from daylight and sunshine, which rooms would be swapped about for your own well being?
