by admin | Apr 14, 2022 | Declutter
I knew I was a 'Collector', and always preferred that title more. It started out as a school boy given a stamp album and collecting the bags of franked stamps, looking through the magnifying glass for rare marks, unusual countries, changed country names. Then it moved into other costly hobbies, collecting medals, uniforms. After university and working for a living I started to collect houses, not just the one but dozens of them, buying them and renting them out.
Nowadays I know that the brain of someone like me works in a way that has been diagnosed as an actual medical condition, categorised and understood by psychologists. People who are hoarders go overboard in the saving of items that other people will regard as worthless. The hoarder apparently struggles in parting with possessions, and this leads to clutter that gets in the way of effectively using their homes or work spaces. Yes, that's been me. I think I can say that I certainly tick that box! My journal entires from the time of that move showed me for sure that I was struggling with the disorder.
Do you have Hoarding Disorder?
Hoarding and collecting are distinct activities. The collector will search out specific items, working to a list or a recommendation of what will be popular or have greater value in the future. They are likely to display their items in a presentable and ordered manner. When an item is placed within an established collection, it is allocated a special almost magical status. By combining it with other connected or somehow similar pieces, the one acquires more value than it was deemed to have when on its own. Popular acceptance suggests that a collection has a value, yet it is only seen this way by other collectors of that niche area. The truth is that collections give to their owners a sense of importance, and are a socially acceptable form of possessiveness. There is social prestige and enhanced status in the mind of the collector of high value items that are brought together under one roof, endorsing their social standing within their community or peer group. Someone who collects watercolour pictures, ceramics from a specific historic timeframe, or vintage cars is seen to be an eccentric, albeit perhaps an affluent one.
The hoarder is not so discriminate and simply gathers random things which they consider they might want in the future. For some, they find safety in the volume of their possessions. Looking at some statistics from the American Psychiatric Association and their Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders we learn that hoarding disorder affects some 2 to 6% of the adult population and often leads to substantial distress and problems functioning in daily life. Now I am getting worried about my behaviour! In a UCLA scale of Hoarding Severity (who even knew there was such a thing!) males are more likely to succumb to this behaviour than females and it is three times more predominant in older males than in those aged 34 to 44 years old.
Is this why men of a certain age start to buy sheds for their collections?
by admin | Apr 7, 2022 | Simple Self Help
Allowing love into your life is where so much of your happiness and fulfilment comes from. Not just romantic love, but platonic love, supporting love, and the gentle, caring love that finds expression in friendship.
For love to flourish it needs to be made welcome, to have a place set for it or for it to be able to arrive without notice and make it's presence felt around you. Key to it's arrival is the space for it to flourish and to be able to flow.
Be open to receiving, to accepting and embracing the arrival of love as well as the feelings and emotions that accompany it. If you fight against it, ask yourself why are you so reluctant to receive? If you close its point of arrival, what are you attempting to achieve in doing so?
Do you want to feel the warmth of love in your day, in your life? Then do those things necessary to allow it in, and as much as anything stop doing those things which prevent it from being present.
So clear up the clutter that is blocking your life and causing so much personal and emotional stagnation. Put events in your calendar that bring you pleasure and enjoyment, as well as allowing you to get out and about and mixing with others of like persuasion.
Be open to the arrival of happiness, of joy and feelings of satisfaction and well-being.
To stop these would be to limit your own experience of an abundant Universe and of a world that wants the best for you. Let the love in.
by admin | Apr 1, 2022 | Simple Self Help
Supportive. Nurturing. Trusting. Inspiring. Loving. Encouraging. Affirming.
These are just a few words that might reflect some of the better relationships you have, yet very different from the words you might use to describe those relationships that are leading you in another direction or no direction at all.
Leaving and letting go of relationships that are hurtful, abusive, painful and which contribute nothing to you is a far more difficult process than we might first imagine. Why would we allow ourselves to do anything that is hurtful to us, or allow any one else to impose these negatives? There is no short answer to this.
To even begin to acknowledge to yourself that you are in a primary relationship that is at least difficult and at worst threatening to your well being is a brave first step, yet it is a first step. Without the recognition of the facts of what is going on around you it is very difficult to then take any action away from what is not working for you in this moment.
Believing in yourself is a strong beginning. This may take time for you to realise as being true, especially if you have let yourself be walked upon, or stepped over or you have given away your self-esteem in the process of loving someone. Considering yourself and your well-being as sufficiently important and precious as to be looked after, this is a significant step in the right direction.
Where you see an experience of a good relationship, of caring, of friendship, expand this by spending more time on it and by placing more focus on the good that is already there. This will allow for the spread of that which already is present in your life into more of the same.
In the observation of good friends, the noticing of kindness, the allowing of patience or courage or nurture, let yourself see the display of these qualities and bring them further into yourself and your own daily experience. The more you can encourage this to happen, the less space there is for those actions and behaviors which are in the negative.
Begin to attract to you more of that which you desire to experience. Do this simply and calmly by requesting such to occur in your daily being.
You will begin to see the changes as soon as you request what you want. So ask for this to be here and now for you.
by admin | Mar 31, 2022 | Declutter
Recently we moved home. In the two months of preparation I deliberately kept a journal of the decluttering that needed to be done.
First week of our move
Yesterday I was at work in my office. The word office for this room might seem somewhat grand because it also doubles as a store room for furniture that I have not dared throw away, just in case it might be useful one day when a tenant needs it. So in addition to my much loved roll-top pine bureau with plentiful drawers and cubbyholes, you will see two enormous vintage 1940's wardrobes that I am hanging on to just in case I decide one day to add them into some of the upstairs bedrooms in this building. I have two double mattresses, a nicely upholstered Edwardian straight backed hall seat for two, a solid wood filing cabinet and, in the alcoves to either side of the fireplace, a pair of tall glass fronted book cabinets.
The ample floor space in this room is normally free of clutter, but this week I have made numerous car trips into work with the boxes that were filling my garage at home. I have been doing this before we move house - right in the middle of writing a book about decluttering and letting go - as apart of a deliberate decision to live with less and in a space that is better suited to the life we want to live.
I have eighty boxes to work through and the emotional pain of doing this is significantly more than I was expecting. These are the boxes that I have dragged around with me between homes for a number of years and which I have to open now that we are settling somewhere. I understand that this is not normal, that someone my age would by now have perhaps cracked the clutter code and found a way to let go of so much. I have never found this easy, and have always attached emotions, possibility or potential re-use to things that I have had in my life.
Box One
I opened the first box and realised that not one of several thousand sheets of papers in any of the ring-bound folders in the box were to keep. Most of them had a keep-until date that had passed at least two years before. I had kept them as the Revenue service always ask you to keep the paperwork for a business for seven years after the year represented by those same records. I hadn't thrown them away because I hadn't dared approach the task of sorting, sifting and saying goodbye to them. The box of files weighed fully 20 pounds. I separated the paper from the files and recycled it all. So far, so good. I can do this.
Box Two
Two dozen used A4 pads of lined writing paper, 65 usable pens, a hole punch, a vintage wood and brass manual coffee grinder in good order that I had been given by friends in Belgium when I was perhaps eighteen. That was some decades ago. I had wondered where it was! The pads of notepaper went onto a stationery shelf, and the pens went into a plastic bag for donating to my local library. They are always running out of pens and I love to work there on new manuscripts, so this feels like a good outcome.
Box Three
Some small card boxes of new one inch screws. A thoughtful 'remember me' gift from a former girlfriend which had been sent to me unannounced at my new address the Christmas after we broke up. It was a finely sculpted wooden head on a stand, designed to take a pair of reading glasses. Cute, but completely forgotten. It was still in the padded bag it had arrived in and a handwritten note "Good luck in your new life x." I felt sad, pleased to be away from that, and disappointed in myself that I had carried the object and the associated negative karma of it around in my life for the subsequent seven years. Next to this another envelope containing an almost new looking set of souvenir postcards from a visit to Uzbekistan that I had made 22 years before! This was a total surprise.
I could not remember buying them or perhaps having been given them by my hosts for that trip. A box of marbles from my own childhood. A wooden chest containing an old pub game and which I remembered buying in a beautiful antique shop on a sunny day in Monmouth four years ago. I bagged up the love gift, the marbles and the pub game and placed them in a pile for the charity shop, our goodwill store.
Going through just these three boxes took me almost an hour. I calculate that more than two thirds of the stuff within the boxes, by volume, was binned. The pens can be used by the library staff and the rest goes to have a new life via the charity shop. When I saw the note with the wooden gift I didn't cry, but I was upset and sad. Sad that something once so good and joyful did not last. Upset that I had hung onto an item knowing I would never use it, believing since opening it that I would have returned it to her, yet consciously allowing it to take up physical space, less aware of the subtle emotional toll."
What are you hoarding?
by admin | Mar 24, 2022 | Simple Self Help
Love can take you unawares and sometimes at the very moment that you imagine it will never happen! Love is a wonderful tease when she wants to be and will make your heart race when you would expect it to be steady, or to leap when you thought it would simply stroll!
The best way to attract anything is actually just to be you, to do what pleasures, supports, strengthens and satisfies you. Too many opinions tell us that you want to be a certain way, or follow a trend or a fashion. Since when was it right to be something and someone you are not? No. Stick with being the amazing, wonderful, special person that is you and see what you attract.
Look at what makes you the person who is you. Consider the interests, the passions, the hobbies and the pastimes that give you joy and satisfaction. Are you working in the role that is right for you and realizing the chance to share yourself with the world in a way that reflects your own skills and interests? If someone who did not know you, and who had never met you, were to turn up at your home and look around the space that is yours, what would they see that is an image of you living the life that is meant to be yours? Would they discover a person who is engaged in fulfilling activity and spending their hours in activities that are truly them? Or would they see a sort of "One day I'll do this or do that. Perhaps I might someday follow my heart and do what really motivates and thrills me. But not right now, maybe when the timing is right."
Go through the rooms of your home and look at the clutter and junk that might be preventing life from jumping right in. How much unnecessary 'stuff' have you been hoarding and hanging onto in case it does eventually come back into fashion or have a purpose? Spring clean your house even if it is the middle of winter. Get rid of the things that bring neither function nor beauty of form into your living space.
You will draw to you people and experiences that are in harmony with the message that you are sending out from the core of your being. So it is with love. Your own attractor factor is the measure of the energy level that is about you. Work on enhancing your energy because that is what you want to do or because it simply feels right to do, and not for some exterior prompting or suggestion.
Don't wait in for love to come calling. Instead fill your days with activities that fulfill you and by being around people who make your spirit soar.
Love and spirited friendship will knock on your door and ask to be let in because you are open to this delicious opportunity yourself.
by admin | Mar 18, 2022 | Simple Self Help
We don't choose our parents, but we end up with them anyway! Some incredible miracle of science and biology caused you to be here. Get on with being here now that you are and enjoying the process of living the best life that is possible for you.
You can have some siblings or none at all. You may have aunts and uncles, nephews and nieces, and long lost cousins for all I know. See that there is a connection to these people and that through this weird and wonderful structure called family, you are connected to everyone else.
Your parents and anyone else who was involved in the process of raising you, performed an amazing job to bring you up in the world and contribute to the unique human being you are today. It is true that how you feel about them can either hold you back, give you strength or leave you with confusion, but they did raise you, probably when life was difficult and you were awkward or just downright hard work. Even if it is just an acknowledgement, you owe them something. Look out for them.
All too suddenly your connection with those you love and care for can take a turn in a new direction. It could be an incident, a conversation that goes the wrong way, a misunderstanding, or some confusion that triggers a reaction other than the one you have always intended.
They have done good for you and allowed you to be who you are today. Take the time to say thanks and to acknowledge and recognize what it took to make you the amazing human being that you are. They do deserve it.
We all appreciate an acknowledgement, a word of thanks, a small or a large gesture that we have done our best. For family this is just as true. Give the process some thought and then give them some of your attention.
Acknowledge the good relationships you do have. Consider how you might strengthen them, spend a little more time in them, invest in them emotionally for the benefit of all concerned.
by admin | Mar 17, 2022 | Declutter
It's one thing to take practical actions against continuing to store data that no longer serves you, it's quite a different matter to behave in ways that waste your time or pull you away from those things you consider important.
1. Cut you Social Media Addiction. It's time for you to impose a set limit on the amount of time you spend spend on social media, regardless of which platforms you are a regular or even heavy user of. Rather than go cold-turkey overnight, you are better to fix an amount of time and start with this. How many hours a day are you connected to your social platforms? Cut an hour from that tomorrow and work forward from there. Aim towards a morning catch up and an evening catch up, perhaps twenty minutes on each. You do not need any more than that. How different might your life be if you were to take the time 'spent' on Social Media and move it to activities that increase your personal health, well being and actual happiness? Social Media is not the same as a 'social life'.
2. Games. Addictive, fun and time suckers. Scrabble, Weekend, Game of Thrones, Medal of Honour, Chess, Candy Crush, etc. Do you have to play a game? What is it and why do you play it? Rather than living in escapism, can you let it go and instead use your time to work on your goals for the real world?
3. Twitter. Do you have 20,000 followers and post three times a day? Have you posted 3,000 times this year? Why? Other than a high when someone likes, follows or retweets, are you getting some real value from this activity? I dare you to ask your family and actual friends if they would prefer your time and attention.
4. Facebook. These 623 Friends are not your friends. When you need to cry over a bereavement they will not all be there. When you are lonely and scared about something talk to a real friend, grab a coffee with a real person and just 'talk'. If you are nervous about what people think, before you cull the numbers, start by clicking the 'Unfriend' button. They can still follow your activity, but you no longer get the updates about lives you are not really interested in. Could you consider the fact that a post once or twice a week is more genuine than four posts a day. Are there twenty people you want to spend time with this year? Pick up the phone and call them. If you really do care about a video showing a cat jumping away from a cucumber, or a beautiful family that you have never met showing off with the graduating daughter, or the poolside party life, ask yourself why these things merit your attention in a life that only has a set number of hours and minutes. Me, a cynic? No. I use Facebook and Instagram sparingly as a networking tool, but only for a daily average of 15 minutes twice a day.
5. YouTube. Great for millions of videos and a ton of music. It will allow you to throw away the majority of your music on CD and to dispose of your DVD collection, if you still have one. Also a great place for learning material, instructional video, motivational ideas, how-to content and inspiring speeches and educational TED talks.
Ok, that's my rant over and I hope you will please forgive me. I enjoy Pinterest to get inspiration for home decor, Instagram for selling vintage books and Facebook mainly for the messenger facility when I am at a desk and actually have wifi switched on. But I like to limit my non-email online time to no more than 30 minutes each day. There is so much more to do.
Remember that decluttering is not just about the physical items and belongings that take up space in your home environment. The massive digital distraction posed by social media is a massive potential drain of your time and focus away from what matters for you in leading a value driven life. If you want to see radical change in your daily life, just start to switch off your wifi access for several hours each day and watch how much quality time you find. Notice the effects of this on your sense of self and what is important to you in your own life. You are NOT your social media accounts!
by admin | Mar 6, 2022 | Simple Self Help
There is a time, a moment, a feeling in which you know that you need to release your hold and let go. Sometimes we are saying goodbye and letting go of a situation that is no longer bearable even though we still love the person.
It is just that we can no longer cope with our spirit being sapped and our radiance being extinguished by the other person and how they are around us or directly with us. At other times the letting go is forced upon us by a person who wants to leave us or by a life literally being taken from us.
Each of these scenarios is entirely different and there is no comparing the trauma of grief with the loss of a love who chooses to leave us. Neither should we look too closely here at the reasons that a loving relationship ends or is no longer so. There is no pain quite so bitter as a love that has been twisted and still lost.
The hurt of a love that has been taken for granted and cast aside is equally deep.
Whatever the level of sadness, grief, or discomfort, even anger, you need to get on with your own life and to do this you must release and let go. Without the space that is created by the ending of a relationship, there can be little true void to contemplate and consider.
I once read a beautiful story about love and the way that over time we link ourselves in so many ways to the other person we love. Each trip out with them, every kiss, each cuddle, every time we chat or laugh or cry together, we make a connection between their soul and ours. It is as if a very strong and completely invisible golden thread is tied to them and to us also.
Over the time of the relationship the threads and ties that bind us together are so many and so powerful that you literally cannot cut through them. This is not only because there are so many of these invisible cords, but also because each time you cut one of them you are also cutting a part of yourself, and cutting yourself is painful. At the end of a relationship the ties are still there, pulling on you even though the two of you are no longer together.
To dash headlong into a new relationship when the cords of an old one are still intact, does not work for the very obvious reason that you are still tied to your former love. So spend time in ceremonies where you get to first loosen and then to let go the cords and create a space for your own being to be free again, to relax your spirit.
The process of these healing ceremonies can be held wherever you want, though nature is always a great place for them. You should include a time where you are saying "Goodbye", sending them a message of "Safe Journey" and "Vaya con Dios". If you did not release them they would be forever in your presence, still exerting their influence on you.
Allow yourself the scope to step into a new space that is yours and within which you will be free to express who you are, acknowledge the relationship that was, to commence the process of healing and gather your own energies for the present moment.
See the process and the act of letting go as bringing closure to you, as a route to a different or even better point of your life here and now.
You can function well and be in a safe place even after the letting go and the release.
Let go and free yourself to regain who you are and to strengthen your spirit.
by admin | Mar 4, 2022 | Simple Self Help
Easier said than done perhaps. However, you know what it feels like to be taken advantage of or, at the other end of the emotional spectrum, to be loved unconditionally. There are very different outcomes from what could potentially be the same starting point.
Consider the relationships and friendships you have now and look at each one with a view to understanding whether you are giving as much to it as you are taking from it. Is there someone who would be grateful if you invested yourself and your energies into that situation. Would they be relieved if you took a greater share of the responsibility, or of the commitment, than you are at the moment? And would contributing more yourself give you a different feeling about your role?
Have you made assumptions about what it might be that is important for you, but perhaps not appreciated or understand what these important requirements might be for the other person? We don't need to be nosy, pushy or intrusive in order to discover what the other person requires or to learn what they might be going through privately and without our appreciation and understanding of the real picture of their life. We can learn about their concerns and worries, their fears or doubts, by creating a place where they feel safe to share, and by also simply asking them "What's the matter?" or "How can I help?" or "Can I do something for you?"
In the same way that you don't want to feel put upon, or taken for granted, consider the way that people will react and respond to such attention from yourself.
What can you do differently to ensure that your interactions with others are les than pushy and insensitive?
How might you engage with them in ways that are about the benefit, care and well-being of each of you rather than just yourself?
Express thanks to your friend, or to your colleague or work partner for the great things they do. Be clear with them that you appreciate truly what it is they bring to the relationship. Let them hear that you love the way they do something, or that their opinion and sharing of an idea or a suggestion really makes a difference and has value.
Do any and all of these things to show from your heart that you have an understanding of their gifts, and a gratitude for who they are and that you want them to know this.
by admin | Mar 3, 2022 | Declutter
In this 'always on' digital world we have access to it is easy to make the mistake of thinking that we have to respond to each thing as it happens. We even have to consider whether something needs a response at all and how to identify and cut out such digital junk. For such accountability you need to establish the personal approach you will take to use of your cell phone or other device, and look closely at the time you allocate and the rules you set yourself for what you consider to be productive and realistic.
For everything else that is physical here are some ideas for making the best use of your work environment and digital equipment, as well as the invisible space that your data occupies.
1. Organising your folders. Be cautious of any folder still called New Folder and check the contents before you rename it. If you can't find what you want it may be hiding in a folder that is incorrectly labelled. Have sub folders within a Group folder. Each time you name a folder it will then save alphabetically, so make sure you know your Group folders.
Have a Group folder for each role that you have in your life. For example, mine include : Partner, Family, Household, Author, and Landlord. Inside each of these you can have multiple separate folders i.e. Family might contain Budget, Diary, Vehicles, Holidays, School and Investments.
2. Old Documents. Open each folder and look at the documents. Do you need to keep each one? How many are no longer necessary? Is some of the information worth keeping. Delete where you can and free up storage space, but also the mental distractions from continually sorting. If in doubt create an Archive folder and move some documents in.
3. Email Inbox. Just as you go through your post each day, apply the same principle to your inbox. Delete what you know you will not open. Keep your Inbox to the minimum. Once read it should be moved out of the Inbox and to a Subject Folder that is indexed by category and easy to find. Have relevant Sub Themes to a Folder. Have specific times in a day - or even just one time - when you will look at email.
4. Photos. Keep the ones that you love, that really mean something and delete all the others. If some pictures might mean something good for someone else, check if they want them and email them across, cleaning them from your storage afterwards.
5. Old Apps and Software. Whether on your phone or desktop make sure to remove the programmes you don't use, don't want or which you cannot remember installing. You can delete a link but must also check to uninstall the actual software you don't want. This will continue to release space on your hard drive.
6. Icons. On your home screen or desktop the images that sit there take up screen space and distract you from a clean environment. Tidy them up and remove them where you can.
7. Films and Music. These are huge data users and so much is now available on listening platforms either free when in a wifi zone or by subscription if you think it work spending the money to carry the music with you wherever you go. You can also use YouTube and various platforms for revisiting the tracks and films you want.
8. USB sticks. Check your desk drawers and bag pockets for these. These are powerful and small, often carrying so much more data than you can remember by name. They are easy to lose, precisely because of their size. Open each one you have and check the files and documents stored. Do you need them and if you do, have you already got them on your main laptop or desktop machine? Could the same information or files be stored in the cloud? Keep you empty USBs in a place where you might also keep fresh stationery and pens in your desk.
9. Email Newsletters. Remove yourself from all the lists where you are no longer interested or where the content is no longer relevant for you. Find the unsubscribe link.
10. Email accounts. There are a few schools of thought on this one. The minimalist will go for a maximum of two accounts as being enough, one for work and the other for personal or social. I am happy with one for my private life and several others for each my different working or business roles. Find what you consider is simple and obvious to your circumstances.
11. Contacts Information. Sit down to review your Contacts file. Delete the names you no longer need, are not meeting any more or where you consider there is no longer a value. If you are an inveterate networker and think that everyone might at some point, you will of course struggle with this exercise. Be brave and delete. Or contact them and save or delete based on their response to your offer.
12. Password Info. Some swear by a single password for everything. Others like to find a common theme and work with a slight adjustment to their core password structure but with a tag or reference that might be linked to the name of the website they login to or visit. If you have accounts where you cannot remember the log in detail, face the fact that you perhaps don't make much use of the site and delete the entire account or create a generic password you can remember through a memory jog word or question.
13. Bookmarks. A useful facility, but easy to end up with pages on here that you no longer visit. Delete the old stuff and make the bookmark relevant.
14. Desktop Background or Wallpaper. You see this every day so make it work for you. Get rid of icons you don't want and no longer use. Streamline this page so it shows you only what you want.
15. Physical digital devices. The longer you have been online the more old pieces of kit will be filling your desk drawers and cupboard space. Pull it all out and know that most of it has been made simpler, made cheaper or made to work faster than the old items you can now throw away.
16. Disc storage. This is simple enough to do on your PC or laptop. Go to Accessories from your Start point. Then System, Tools and Disc Clean-Up.
17. Internet Browser. If you are getting easily distracted by news items or sports stories when you log on, then choose a simpler version of the browser. Remove yourself from all the tabbed interests available.
18. Downloads. You may have hundreds of these cluttering your data space. Click on Downloads, look at what you have. For the items that are worth keeping move them to a relevant folder to find them again. Bin everything else.
