by admin | Jul 22, 2022 | Simple Self Help
Fear can be crippling in the way it affects your thinking and begins to push its way into your conscious and un-conscious thoughts. The fear of the unknown is one aspect that can be dealt with in a logical way, i.e. if it is unknown then there is an element of being able to contain and explain the fear.
However, where fear is about exaggerating existing ills or troubles and making them many times worse, this can be destructive to those experiencing the fear as well to the people around the person with the fears. You know that the damage from an accident has been limited to a certain amount, or that the nature of the relationship is such that when one person says this the other always says that, but does nothing more. Yet, when fear takes hold of a view on perhaps the damage from the accident or the anger within the relationship, fear will magnify the issue far beyond realistic proportions and can cause huge pain and suffering where the person going through the fear is unable to assert his or her reality onto the fearful thinking.
The exaggeration of small concerns or fears can be such that one party in the conversation or relationship can see the distortion that the person going through the fear can no longer perceive. When this happens it can be very challenging for the observer to stay within the context of the conversation or discussion before the whole situation grows out of proportion.
Seeing only from a perspective of logic is not always helpful to the person experiencing the fear either! Many times I have heard from clients where one person is in the grip of a fear that they cannot truly explain to their more logical partner. Sometimes the best solution is not for a solution to be found at all, but for the person going through the fear simply to be heard out with what is hurting them and causing them such anguish. They may just need to be heard, not provided with the answer.
As human beings there is an ancient survival need for us to experience elements of stress, worry and fear. How else would we have survived attacks from sabre-toothed tigers and woolly mammoths millions of years ago if it had not been for these emotions giving us the 'fight or flight' response to imminent danger? But the tigers and the mammoths have been replaced by utility bills and corporate takeovers that threaten potential redundancy; by the mountain of email where each sender expects we will respond to them immediately; by the pressure at work and socially to conform to the expectations that co-workers and neighbors have of us in those situations. No wonder we get to feel the stress, worry and fear as we go through our own daily lives.
But, and this is a big but, there is no need for us to let the three demons of stress, worry and fear intimidate us and force us to lower our heads in submission. Life is filled with staggering opportunities, and with tremendous scope for joy and satisfaction. Yet it seems that the more automated, structured and digital our lives become the easier it is to be overwhelmed by the amount of data traffic, conversations, work transactions, social media posts and information we need to manage and handle. As a result it is hardly surprising that we begin to get to the place where we feel scared, worried, concerned and anxious that we will be unable to cope.
Instead, acknowledge what you can and cannot tolerate as acceptable levels of stress and worry and begin to eliminate the causes of those, to reduce the impact of the various pressures and to work our corrective changes to what you are going through in order to reduce the stress you are presented with.
Life is not easy when you are facing such pressures, but it is important for you to consider what is and what is not acceptable in terms of the causes. Where possible, take action to correct what is not working and to see what is out of context with your own value system. So often the issues can be diminished by seeing how they are out of sync with what matters to you in the first place, and adjusting from there.
by admin | Jul 14, 2022 | Simple Self Help
Creating the life you want, and producing the results that matter to you is about ensuring you are clear on the values by which you live and lead that same life. If you expect challenges you may get them. If you anticipate a bed of roses and an easy walk through the park, it is likely you will get this or something akin to it. Develop the focus that supports you.
Your vision and the values by which you lead your life each day are crucial in underpinning the results you get and the actions you take in order to create the results you want.
If the vision you have is a measure of the breadth of your ambition then expanding your vision is likely to have a corresponding impact on the results that you achieve. Tied in very closely with this is the matter of the values that you embrace and live with as your pursue your vision of a life that truly reflects not only what you want, but also who you are.
The values you hold might be such things as honesty, hard work, thrift, balance, happiness, friendship, trust, self-discipline and others. Each one that you identify and adopt for yourself is a piece of your own personal jigsaw. In the same way that principles are timeless so too are values. These values act as a benchmark by which you can judge and assess not just the progress that you are making towards your goals, but also serve to help you measure yourself against colleagues and friends, clients and suppliers, relatives and family members.
A man spoke with me not long ago about an issue he was concerned about and which was based upon the clash of his vision and his values. While he was making more than adequate progress financially with the business he ran in his home town, he often found himself looking at other business owners who appeared to have more money, greater status in the chamber of commerce and greater success in life.
The issue that he wanted to discuss with me was abut the dilemma he found himself in. Knowing of a way to adapt his business that would allow him to make greater profits and bank much more money, his concern and the sense of his anxiety he presented me with was this - he could achieve the new contracts but only at the cost of doing some things that went against his most heartfelt values about the need for business to be a win- win relationship. Wanting always to feel that he gave a fair service for a fair price, the possibility that he could do some deals where his profit was out of proportion to the service now troubled him. To obtain the new revenues he would be doing things that he knew would cause him to feel guilty, and so he chose to listen to his heart and turned down the opportunity.
As he went away from our discussion he was concerned that he might have missed out on the 'apparently' lucrative deal, but pleased with himself for not having breached his value system.
Just two weeks later he called me up with great delight obvious in his voice as we spoke. He had that morning received an offer of a contract that was in line with his values of decent service, fair contribution and looking after the customer, and which would give him a significant uplift in his profits. He had been rewarded for not selling out his values and for maintaining his self-belief even after the stress of the previous opportunity.
In your own life there will of course be times when the principles and values that you live by will be tested. Equally, you will discover time and again that the more you lead a life in which your vision and values are in alignment together, you will receive rewards and pleasures unheard of by those who do not understand. Hold to what you know and feel to be right.
by admin | Jul 13, 2022 | Simple Self Help
If you say you will be home for hockey practice, or dinner, or a trip to the cinema, don't then ring home to say you have been delayed or that you have to work late. I know and it has cost me dearly! It might have been OK if it was an excuse a couple of times, but to be repeated week after week will get you in deep trouble and understandably so as you begin to realise with sadness that others may end up expecting you to let them down.
One of my friends keeps a special place in his diary for his commitments and this always impressed me so much since I discovered this.
These are distinct from his appointments which are normally times when he has to show up and be in meetings or with family. William's commitments are different. Here he will list the thing he has agreed to do and the date he has promised it by, as well as the outcome of achieving the commitment.
Next to these he has the penalty written down for not accomplishing the commitment. He actually writes down on the paper the true cost of letting someone down if he does not deliver, fails to turn up, gets the report in late or misses the party. I had never seen this recorded before and it struck me how valuable it is to make a commitment and to honour the promise. Seeing his promise and the cost of not delivering written down in black and white in his journal, this was a tremendous wake-up call for me.
In the sense of using this approach like an emotional bank account he knows whether he is in credit or if he is at risk of becoming overdrawn in his relationship with the person to whom he has made the commitment. Is this a little extreme? If it works for you to do something like this yourself, then do what works. It does not matter what others might think about it.
Try it, and see if the real test produces fruit, namely that you break less commitments and honour more promises than you did before. If you can see progress in this approach as opposed to whatever method or behavior you were following before, then you know for yourself you are on track.
A promise to be there for someone is still a promise however you look at it. No matter that your train was late or that you needed to stop for gas and got delayed. In the eyes of the other person maybe you should just have been on the earlier train or filled up with gas the night before.
I can't hold my hand up and say I don't understand this, as I have been late more times than I care to remember and it was only when I focussed on the actual promise made that I found myself turning up on time or leaving early for my destination that I saw the excitement in the eyes of another when I arrived in a timely fashion and was there when I said I would be there.
Your own peace of mind will be enhanced and those around you will notice and comment with pleasure on the change in your behavior.
by admin | Jun 30, 2022 | Simple Self Help
At all times and in every situation you are drawing to you those things that happen around you. No exceptions! So if the life you have does not reflect the life you want then you really need to something about it and fast.
One sure way to step closer to the results you want, is to acknowledge what is going right for you, to identify and give thanks for the things that are working, for those areas where you are pleased and happy with what you have in the moment. The act of showing gratitude will cause more of the same to come to you.
Yet it is not all about what is right in your heart.
You also need to give attention, focus and energy to the practical and logical aspects of attracting the results you want. How are the parameters of your work defined? Who are the people you know can be of service and help to you in determining the outcomes that you want? Have you shared with them the detail of what you seek to bring about with their help? Aside from the people you know, who else might be out there in the wider community, who could be beneficial for you if only you could make contact with them?
Put some thought into describing the people and the physical resources and materials that will take you toward the results that you want. Consider the scope for you to tell people as you meet with them, about what you want to create.
Remember that the Universe will always give you what you ask for and that with this being the case you need to be clear that you are asking for what you want to receive. Only ask for that which you really want. The alternative is to ask for that which would be OK or acceptable or reasonable. The issue in this case would be that the Universe does not know which is truly great, or magnificent or fabulous. But you do know the difference and so you need to ask for the outcomes you want to see turn up in your life.
If you will just let it, then life will always seek to astound you with what it delivers up for you.
Create a Vision Board or a Treasure Map of what you want. From your favourite magazines, books and social posts clip the images and ideas that fill you with inspiration and motivation. The involvement of more of your senses will serve to accelerate the process of your attracting the good that you deserve. From the websites and catalogues that have products and offerings that you love, cut the images that mean something special to you. Pin or paste these onto your Treasure Map, placing the images in such a way that they call to you and encourage you in the pursuit of your goals.
Invest time and energy in being around the people who can lead the way for you or who can introduce you to others within their social or business networks. Build relationships and rapport with those people, and at the same time remember that the flow needs to be a two way thing benefiting others just as they benefit you.
Continue to believe in your own ability to create the results that you seek.
by admin | Jun 28, 2022 | Simple Self Help
Too much to do! Too little time in which to do it or too few resources with which to achieve it. Maybe even both!
If you are anxious about traveling to work, worried about your performance when you are there, distracted by worry at away from your family and loved ones, then face the stress head-on and be honest that you have it. It could be workload, financial pressure, relationship dissatisfaction, health matters. Any number of things have the potential to place you under pressure that is difficult or even impossible to cope with and to deal with.
You may feel tension in your mind or body. It could be that you are experiencing pressure upon your ability to lead a life that is satisfying. Being aware of the stress and being honest enough with yourself that it is there, is the first important step and then you can begin to take action to deal with it one piece at a time.
The other aspect of looking at stress is noting how it is affecting your wider life. I know that when I face more stress that I become irritable and poor company, that I can be grumpy and short tempered. More positively than this though, I know that if I let others know the pressure I am feeling and the way it is impacting me then they can understand. Once they are aware of this then they are free to help me, to participate in my own recovery from the downward spiral or simply to know to let me be and to allow me the space to start working through it!
One thing is certain. Until you are honest with yourself about the issues you face, you will find neither the time, resources or energy to deal with it and your situation will simply deteriorate. Take action now before the issues become more serious and require further external help and support.
Worry is a strange thing, part defense mechanism, part self-protection. It exists to keep us alert and to encourage us to stay sharp in case of danger that we think is lurking somewhere out in front of us. Yet too much worry, too great a focus on worry and that same behavior has converted itself into looking for trouble when it is not there; into dark imaginings that will render you permanently fearful and ever dreading that the worst is about to happen.
We both know that statistics and logic and probability mean that what you are worrying about is unlikely to come to pass, but in the act of worrying you don't help yourself at all. It is very much the case that what your mind focuses on is further enabled and given more presence.
To take a simple example, if you worry about meeting and paying your household bills on time, you can get yourself into such a state of concern that you will magnify the problem and begin to draw more bills to you in the process! You are an attractor and you draw to you the same energies that you send out into the Universe. With this example of bills, you can reduce your worry by agreeing to spend only a certain amount of your time thinking about the bills. Beyond this imagine and visualize instead the bills being paid on time and in full. See the "PAID WITH THANKS" stamp upon each of your bills. See the mail arriving at your house each day with a check in the mail, with online credits to your digital bank account. See refunds being issued to you. Do this instead of multiplying the worry factor.
Sure, this is a cute example and does nothing to allay your fear about the things that concern and worry you. But please help yourself some more by thinking about the external influences on your thinking and which may well be placing their own seeds of fear and doubt in your mind. The television and the radio news don't focus on providing you with positive and inspiring stories. Instead they report on negative actions that serve only to create more fear in your mind. As an experiment let yourself do a day without either watching or listening to the news items. You'll survive the day and after a week of this you will also begin to see a reduction in the thoughts and fears that have been affecting your well-being for the worse.
by admin | Jun 16, 2022 | Simple Self Help
Life is not necessarily always going to run along smoothly and there will understandably be times when you want to shout out loud "Stop the world. I want to get off." We have all been there at some point in our lives. Personally, I am a big believer that we are here to learn the things, to understand the concepts and to appreciate the belief systems that surround us. And the more I think about this the simpler it is to get the point that change happens and for a reason!
If you are in denial about change, if you regret that it ever happens, then you are simply saving more times of disappointment, more periods of frustration and anger, and yet also more moments of lost opportunity. Instead you could choose to realise that change is actually one of the few constants around us. Yes, this might sound bizarre - that "change is one of the few constants" but it is very much this way.
By acknowledging this change conversation you open yourself up to the possibility of greater opportunity, stronger experiences, less upheaval by not denying the whole subject and you will very likely also receive more of what you expect that is good and positive.
When a career stops short of the time that you had expected to be protected by it; when a business folds or requires you to stretch beyond your normal habits; when a relationship arrives seemingly from out of nowhere, how will you be prepared for it? Will you have thought through the potential outcomes and communicated this quickly to the place marked 'Beneficial Change' or will you instead be looking to the place marked 'Change for Changes Sake' or perhaps 'Change without obvious Benefit?'
Embrace change. Allow it to happen and then respond with what you need to do. It might be to ignore the change until the timing is better for you to understand it, but you have to see that it is happening to you and let that recognition carry you through to new and better circumstances that will follow just as day follows night.
