by admin | Jun 15, 2022 | Simple Self Help
You only have twenty-four hours in a day. So you won't be able to fit in all the things you could do, and likewise you will struggle to spend time with everyone equally. Think hard about the value of some of the relationships you have relative to the amount of benefit you get from them and how you feel as a result of being around those people. Some will be friends, others relatives or work contacts.
Try to be a little more selective about how you give out the time in your calendar if you are only going to be more worn down as a result of having done so. As with the phrase "less is more" when it is applied to meaning that a bit of quality is better than a lot of mediocre items, I think often that the same phrase can be applied to your own appointment diary.
Let your mobile go to voicemail now and again. After all the reason you have that facility is so you don't have to answer the phone yourself every time! Let people know that you have time out for yourself now and again, or that you are with your family and will not be taking calls, or that you are visiting some friends and will get back to them when it suits you to do so.
Put your family first and ensure that there is some regular time each week when you get together, and create something special.
I recall how as a child, my parents always took me to the cinema on a Saturday morning or how we would often go out early on a Sunday morning to walk in the country park or along the riverbank. The memories of those film shows and my familiarity with the footpaths and lanes that I still visit regularly in my adult life have their roots in those familiar traditions which were deliberately created by our parents.
What was important to you as a child, as a teenager and as a young adult?
The chances are that your own feelings and memories of belonging or of having an adult be interested in your well-being is just as important to your own children. Take time to do the same for yours.
We all appreciate the way that someone clears their schedule to give us their time and attention, so if this is true from our own perspective, what must it be like to be able to give that time and energy to someone who will enjoy having you and holding your attention.
by admin | Jun 2, 2022 | Simple Self Help
Moment by moment and one day at a time, your life is happening and at the same speed your life is passing you by. You can end up looking back over your shoulder at the life you might have had, should have had, or could have had if you had only just got on with it. And how would you have done this differently? I'll tell you how. Moment by moment and one day at a time is how!
This is all you have, the now, this moment.
There is nothing else outside of this moment in which I am sitting here writing, late at night in a quiet room while the world sleeps around me. And you out there somewhere, reading these words on a screen or on a printed page in the very moment that is your own NOW moment.
So we must make some decisions, you and I. Another word for decisions is Choices. Choices to move forward with our lives in this moment. Do we turn left or right at this junction of the roads, at this crossing of paths? It is a bit like the way that you take your first footsteps as an infant - you do not know that you will be walking in the future, but you do sense that the next thing to do is put the other foot forward, and then the other, until it happens and you are walking! But you started with the next foot. Choice always begins with a simple action. Not with a complicated, philosophical, much thought about action. Instead you just did something. From this you get first one result and then another.
Most of the choices you have made have not been monumental in their significance. They have been ordinary, mundane and habitual. Yet in this very normal state your choices take you to some quite extraordinary places. They put you with amazing and wonderful people, allow you to experience the highs and lows that life will deliver.
Without action and then the movement and the flow of energy that comes from choices there is what? Nothing. Inactivity, lack of movement, zero forward motion, only stagnation. From such a place nothing much can come. But even the decision to stay down there is a choice.
So you see you always come back to the point that in order to Live Your Best Life, to attract the people, the opportunities and the feelings that you desire you have to wholeheartedly engage in making choices. Moment by moment and day by day.
by admin | May 27, 2022 | Simple Self Help
Seriously! How are things with you? Feeling good about who you are and how you are in yourself? Yes? No? Maybe? Confused?
Welcome to the human race my friend! So often you might catch yourself during the day being concerned about the things in your life that seem to be unresolved, that cause you stress or worry and which you will rightly want to give some time to. The issue is that while so much is not dealt with it can indeed be difficult to even think of yourself, let alone to consider the relationship that you have with yourself.
Answer this question for yourself:
"Today I feel . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ."
Fill in the gap with a stream of thoughts and allow yourself to notice the feelings as they come up for you. You may find this a potentially uncomfortable exercise to begin with as it is very unlikely you have deliberately given yourself time for yourself before. This is OK and totally natural. In quiet time for yourself you will be able to listen to you talking to yourself and hear what it is that you are carrying around with you all the time.
Allow yourself and your spirit the time to let these thoughts flow into the present. Listen to yourself without judgement and just accept what you hear your thoughts telling you. Let these ideas, thoughts, apologies, sadnesses, embarrassments, affirmations and statements of fact be shared with you just as they are. Let go of the need to filter or change them. Simply receive and accept them.
Knowing these thoughts now, give thanks that you are aware of them and consider the impact that such thoughts will have been having on you for as long as you have been holding them. At the very core of your relationship with all the people you come into contact with is this relationship that you have with yourself. Whether you are loving, hateful, caring, doubting or kind to yourself, there is a way that this fundamental relationship with yourself is carried out into the world with you.
Begin to explore the feelings and thoughts, the considerations and the emotions that come up for you in this quiet reflection time that you are engaging in today.
Do not be in judgement about what you see and hear in this conversation with yourself. Simply resolve to take the points you observe and make use of them in a gentle way and in a manner that with you allow you to come from the greater perception you now have of yourself, taking this into your daily experience.
Move forward from this place and determine to strengthen the relationship with yourself from knowledge of yourself.
You are an amazing person simply by being here in this moment. That you are here at all is a miracle of biology, nature, survival, determination and of the power and expression of love.
On those days when you might allow yourself a down moment (and we all have times like that), just consider the miracle of your being here at all and it might allay a few of your own doubts, fears and concerns and reveal them for the insecure moments they represent.
The relationship you have with yourself is the most important of all, for if you do not come from a place of love and respect for yourself, how then do you find love and give respect for another? If you already have a personal source of internal motivation and self-respect it becomes so much simpler for you to provide this to others. You do this through a sharing of a part of yourself, by revealing some aspect of who you are and what you stand for.
Of course, you get to that place through questioning yourself about who you are and who you have become so far in this journey we call life.
There is no need for you to now become quite so hyper-analytical that you are someone else.
Be easy on yourself and simply accept who you are and what you are here for. Perhaps not the simplest quest to find the answers to! There is great opportunity here for you and the act of having a great relationship with yourself can come from beginning to at least starting with your focus on a good relationship. You can improve the whole thing and move onwards and upwards from there!
Above all, be a source of your own love.
by admin | May 19, 2022 | Simple Self Help
The old saying goes "If it's to be, it's up to me." I think nowadays that it should perhaps also say "If it's to be, it's up to you too!"
No matter what life throws at you, presents gently or serves up on a platter, how you respond is something you have total control over. There is nothing in your life that you cannot change, that you cannot act upon, that you are unable to see in a different light and take some level of action about.
No matter how difficult the situation that you find yourself in, regardless of any negativity that you live with daily, and in spite of some temporary destructive environment that you may be experiencing right now, there is a better place for you and there are better opportunities. It is simply that they are just beyond your current ability to see them.
Change your way of looking just at the actual challenges that face you. Acknowledge them, of course. You must do this or you will be in denial. But don't look at them as cast in stone, as something permanent or fixed or as the only single reality there is. You have to see that these circumstances can be changed and that you can make progress beyond them. None of who you are is so fixed that you cannot create a different and better set of circumstances.
Of course there is choice and you are the one person that gets to do the choosing. There is no reason for you to settle in the place of second best or to allow bad situations to persist in damaging aspects of your life. Instead identify the ideal picture of how good you wish that thing to be, of the way that a certain outcome might change so many things for the better.
But the first requirement is that you recognise what it is that you have and from this be firm about what you do not want, about what is dysfunctional or that does not serve you in any positive way. Be clear that you are willing to let these non-beneficial things and circumstances go, let them fall away from you.
We could be talking of a clunker of a car, of a distressing home situation, of a malfunctioning and distorted relationship, of a job or workplace where you experience inappropriate behavior or simple bad practice. You may want to break free from a crippling cycle of debt or from a relationship where there is neither love nor scope for change. It might be that you are in a place of personal despair and lack of any hope.
Begin to make a shift in your situation by stating clearly that you no longer want to put up with any of the things that you have considered and which you have written down on a list. By getting to a state of clarity about the things that you do not want you are at the same time creating more space for the right things, the right people and the right circumstances to come into your life.
So start with identifying what you don't want.
Now move quickly and clearly into what you do want. Enjoy describing the detail of what you want, and go to work on the process of asking the world to provide you with these.
The Universe likes a person to ask clearly for what they want as it then has clear instructions on what to do and will always work at providing you with what you ask for. If you make your list and do the asking and what turns up seems at odds with what you asked for, rather than blame the Universe for giving you the wrong stuff, first check what you asked for. So often people will think they asked for X when actually they asked for Y and a bit of something else or for Y with a little distortion. When you get something that seems different you should always check the original list you were working from!
Do those things that will take you closer to your goal of creating, attracting and then receiving the life that you wish to experience.
Remember that making choices is about deciding from a set of those things you do or do not want, from a choice between what calls your attention or what propels you in a different direction and towards something else.
Making choices is also about coming up with some detail so that you are not just guessing for things.
Sometimes you will need to expend energy in work or labor towards a goal. At other times the goods will be delivered to you almost instantaneous to your wish for their existence.
In each case the deciding factor is the detail that you put into your request and the choices that you make from the options available to you. The biggest mistake would be to think that your choices are limited when in fact they are abundant.
When things are going the way you want, remember that you are in control. And do not forget, that when things are not going the way you want them to, that you are also in control!
by admin | May 12, 2022 | Simple Self Help
And when you have been together with them, don't let it end there. Pick up the pieces and take responsibility for being in contact with them until the next time you manage to meet up.
"It only takes a minute" might be a great musical lyric, but it could just as well be the catch phrase for a person getting in touch and staying in touch.
I know that sometimes you have to grit your teeth and smile at the thought of seeing Aunty Mabel and Uncle Charlie, but guess what? You just made their day by making them feel worthwhile and special. It might have been the case that another member of your wider family might have been over to see them, but it was you turning up the way you did, with a smile, a hug, some flowers, a magazine, that actually did happen and brought some joy into their day for the visit you made.
With text messages and email you can act quickly on the thought about getting together, planning something and organizing something. Better still pop into a shop in your lunch hour, buy a card, choose a nice postcard or gift and post a personal message. Heaven forbid, you could even go and visit them!
The spread of the internet and the opportunity to connect with old friends and former schoolmates or work colleagues has been an amazing gift. The click of a button can put you back in contact with a dear friend from years ago, and when meeting up with them, either virtually on-line or in person. Contact can be as if the time that passed since you last met has never existed and what used to be an important bond or relationship comes back to you with the strength of years, further enriching the life you have now and allowing you to give grateful thanks for what has happened before.
Build the experience and the memories by getting together. It helps all of us to realize we are part of a global community that connects first and foremost at the very local and personal level.
If you doubt any of this then take an hour to sit quietly in the corridor or day lounge of a home for the elderly and ask them whether having a visitor is important. Ask them if they care about whether their visitor brings a gift or how they feel about knowing that someone cares enough to remember them. To them what matters is simply that someone has taken the time and energy to make contact and to get in touch. The presents mean far less than the contact, and the contact is a reinforcement that someone cares enough to be thinking of them.
by admin | May 5, 2022 | Simple Self Help
Neglect in relationships, just as in other precious matters, will see the tarnishing and then the loss of that which you once cared so much about.
You don't only experience love as a feeling, you also need to work at it as an action.
All too often we have something special and we stop working at it in the way we did when that same love first began. In the early days we nurtured it like the seed of something that was growing into a stronger and more beautiful thing. We cared for it with attention and forethought, acts of kindness and intentional consideration. Not surprisingly it grew to become something special between you both.
With a relationship that is special and which you want to be a part of, it can also become regular, steady and predictable. This does not happen intentionally on behalf of either party, but can happen with the demands of every day life and experiences.
Building an ever deeper relationship, or simply maintaining the honour and specialness of a loving relationship requires work, attention and energy, just like anything that is important to you. Just as you cannot expect to plant seeds in a field and wait idly for the harvest, so too is it not possible for you to expect a relationship to bloom and flourish without care and attention.
If you want to protect the love you have had and see it grow back to what it has been before, then spend time in doing the things that will allow it to get back to that place.
Put effort into creating afresh the experiences, the time together, the admiration and the longing that makes and gives love the special power and attraction that it holds for us.
Realise the special characteristics of the love you already have in this moment and take time to appreciate it, honour it and invest your own time in it. Plan special times, organize events and trips. Invest emotional time and energy in what will create mutual respect, understanding and ongoing love as you move forward together.
