by admin | Apr 29, 2022 | Simple Self Help
Addiction to unproductive, non-supportive, and hostile relationships is easy to get used to. This is precisely because you did not get here overnight. You gradually slipped into allowing it become this way.
We all have a desire to be loved, wanted and appreciated. Sometimes though, we just get confused about what constitutes a good relationship as opposed to one in which we seem to have a role that is perhaps less clear cut than we see it as being.
Being stuck in old patterns of relating to people might mean you are always the giver and yet you don't seem to be appreciated or nurtured in return. Perhaps you are not even acknowledged for the good person you are. Could it be that you are being taken advantage of?
On the other hand, maybe it could be the case that you are the one in some of your relationships with others where you are taking someone for granted, and their own contribution to the relationship is going un-noticed or un-acknowledged by yourself.
A simple stock check or tally of the important relationships for you will allow you to see what is working and what is simply painful or wrong.
Be clear with yourself and with the other person that what has been tolerated until now can no longer be allowed to go on, that you are unable to stay engaged in such a relationship and that you will have to remove yourself from it. If this is a relationship that is casual, temporary or one that is occasioned through work or the proximity you have to the person concerned, then it is easier to deal with perhaps, than where the relationship is a very significant one and closer to home.
But the truth remains, you cannot do any good to yourself or for yourself if you remain in the place that is harmful to you. This is not an easy decision to make, and you may want to seek professional counsel or the guidance of a friend who already knows you well in order that you can have an opportunity to talk through your thinking and through the implications of any of the decisions you might seek to make.
In any of these discussions maintain your focus on the real goal of letting go of the relationships that are not in your own higher interest.
by admin | Apr 21, 2022 | Simple Self Help
The slipping of your hand into another. The soft laugh. A gentle embrace. And it is not just the touch, but just as strong is the feeling that you know you are loved. You know the love you can recall right now, even though the person who gave it to you, showered it on you, shared their love with you is no longer here.
And so the love will be remembered always as that most special of things that time and distance do little to reduce. How might it be that the love you share with someone today or tomorrow might have resonance with them still some ten, twenty, thirty years from now?
It does not have to be earth shattering to be special, it simply has to be real and honest and openly shared and truly meant. This is plenty. Look at your own chances to express love with those you meet today or during the week that is ahead and remember - when you want to - to express your love with those you choose to. It might be a special thank you or a meeting of the eyes, a touch on a shoulder, a warm embrace or a deep hug. All of these are important if freely given and naturally shared.
Earlier this evening I was talking with my youngest son as he got ready for bed. We were chatting about my Grandad Tom and how much he had loved me when I was a little boy. All of a sudden, in the middle of telling my own youngest son about this time from my childhood, I felt myself overwhelmed by the love of my grandfather reaching out into the present to wrap me in his strong arms and remind me that I am still loved by him and am still his own little grandson to him so many years after he passed away. He was tangibly in the room with us for those minutes, being with his great grandson through my sharing. Forty years from today that moment will still belong to Johnny and the love will be remembered from a grandpa he never knew but who he now knows through his father.
Love is a legacy in that it is not bound by time and space as so many physical things are. Love can be an act, a feeling, a metaphor, a message for someone you reach out to. It is best when not structured or controlled. It needs no boundaries imposed upon it, not will it respect measurement of it.
Simply let your love show. Allow it the space to be of you and from you. It will make all the difference in the world to someone who receives it. You will be able to know that you did the right thing simply because you gave your love.
by admin | Apr 14, 2022 | Simple Self Help
Too many people reach an age in their life when they regret not the things they have done, so much as they cry out for what they have not done.
All too often one of the items at the top end of the "Wish I had done" list are points such as spend more time with my family, visit my parents, go on a trip with my brother or sister, etc. You don't really find yourself saying aloud "I wish I had read another report" or "If only I could have spent another day on work phone calls and follow-ups."
It is a simple enough matter to put some time in your diary and get on and see the people who have importance and meaning in your life, to book time with them or simply to just turn up on a spur of the moment impulse.
If you don't mark out this time with them in the diary it is never going to happen. Rather than neglect these important get-togethers until next year - when you will probably look back and think "If only I had..." instead get on the phone. Send them an email, write them a note and get something in the diary. None of us carry a crystal ball, or know what may happen around the corner, so get on with arranging this today.
Listen to the intuition you already have. Observe the "hunch" you get about calling someone or arranging to get together with them.
One evening I was driving from a place I had been working on the coast, and was heading north to my home when I had the strongest feeling that I should make an effort to break off from my journey to see my parents. It was raining and the traffic was heavy. At the end of a busy day and with a hundred miles ahead of me, I chose to ignore the feeling and drive on. The next day I had a call from my mother to say that my Dad had just that morning suffered a massive heart attack and died suddenly.
I so wish I had listened to the message that had come to me the night before and suggested I make a turn off the highway and take the small roads to their village. I so keenly wish that I had been to see my Dad that night. Do you think that I would not have done anything to spend another few hours with my father? I would have driven across the country, stayed up all night, cancelled everything just to have spent a few more hours with that wonderful man I called my Dad.
So take a few moments to arrange something that can result in an hour or a day or a week together creating memories that can then be with you always.
Just be in the moment and recognise what you do have. Realise what you can create with real time now as opposed to what you might be able to do tomorrow or the next day. Here is the thing about time. It doesn't really exist. There is only the moment that you are in now and you don't really know that tomorrow will come around on the clock.
Pick up that phone, tap on that door, hop in the car and simply arrange to enjoy the time with those you love and with those who love you. You will always have the memories of when you did do something like this, and that will forever be of help to you.
by admin | Apr 7, 2022 | Simple Self Help
Allowing love into your life is where so much of your happiness and fulfilment comes from. Not just romantic love, but platonic love, supporting love, and the gentle, caring love that finds expression in friendship.
For love to flourish it needs to be made welcome, to have a place set for it or for it to be able to arrive without notice and make it's presence felt around you. Key to it's arrival is the space for it to flourish and to be able to flow.
Be open to receiving, to accepting and embracing the arrival of love as well as the feelings and emotions that accompany it. If you fight against it, ask yourself why are you so reluctant to receive? If you close its point of arrival, what are you attempting to achieve in doing so?
Do you want to feel the warmth of love in your day, in your life? Then do those things necessary to allow it in, and as much as anything stop doing those things which prevent it from being present.
So clear up the clutter that is blocking your life and causing so much personal and emotional stagnation. Put events in your calendar that bring you pleasure and enjoyment, as well as allowing you to get out and about and mixing with others of like persuasion.
Be open to the arrival of happiness, of joy and feelings of satisfaction and well-being.
To stop these would be to limit your own experience of an abundant Universe and of a world that wants the best for you. Let the love in.
by admin | Apr 1, 2022 | Simple Self Help
Supportive. Nurturing. Trusting. Inspiring. Loving. Encouraging. Affirming.
These are just a few words that might reflect some of the better relationships you have, yet very different from the words you might use to describe those relationships that are leading you in another direction or no direction at all.
Leaving and letting go of relationships that are hurtful, abusive, painful and which contribute nothing to you is a far more difficult process than we might first imagine. Why would we allow ourselves to do anything that is hurtful to us, or allow any one else to impose these negatives? There is no short answer to this.
To even begin to acknowledge to yourself that you are in a primary relationship that is at least difficult and at worst threatening to your well being is a brave first step, yet it is a first step. Without the recognition of the facts of what is going on around you it is very difficult to then take any action away from what is not working for you in this moment.
Believing in yourself is a strong beginning. This may take time for you to realise as being true, especially if you have let yourself be walked upon, or stepped over or you have given away your self-esteem in the process of loving someone. Considering yourself and your well-being as sufficiently important and precious as to be looked after, this is a significant step in the right direction.
Where you see an experience of a good relationship, of caring, of friendship, expand this by spending more time on it and by placing more focus on the good that is already there. This will allow for the spread of that which already is present in your life into more of the same.
In the observation of good friends, the noticing of kindness, the allowing of patience or courage or nurture, let yourself see the display of these qualities and bring them further into yourself and your own daily experience. The more you can encourage this to happen, the less space there is for those actions and behaviors which are in the negative.
Begin to attract to you more of that which you desire to experience. Do this simply and calmly by requesting such to occur in your daily being.
You will begin to see the changes as soon as you request what you want. So ask for this to be here and now for you.
by admin | Mar 24, 2022 | Simple Self Help
Love can take you unawares and sometimes at the very moment that you imagine it will never happen! Love is a wonderful tease when she wants to be and will make your heart race when you would expect it to be steady, or to leap when you thought it would simply stroll!
The best way to attract anything is actually just to be you, to do what pleasures, supports, strengthens and satisfies you. Too many opinions tell us that you want to be a certain way, or follow a trend or a fashion. Since when was it right to be something and someone you are not? No. Stick with being the amazing, wonderful, special person that is you and see what you attract.
Look at what makes you the person who is you. Consider the interests, the passions, the hobbies and the pastimes that give you joy and satisfaction. Are you working in the role that is right for you and realizing the chance to share yourself with the world in a way that reflects your own skills and interests? If someone who did not know you, and who had never met you, were to turn up at your home and look around the space that is yours, what would they see that is an image of you living the life that is meant to be yours? Would they discover a person who is engaged in fulfilling activity and spending their hours in activities that are truly them? Or would they see a sort of "One day I'll do this or do that. Perhaps I might someday follow my heart and do what really motivates and thrills me. But not right now, maybe when the timing is right."
Go through the rooms of your home and look at the clutter and junk that might be preventing life from jumping right in. How much unnecessary 'stuff' have you been hoarding and hanging onto in case it does eventually come back into fashion or have a purpose? Spring clean your house even if it is the middle of winter. Get rid of the things that bring neither function nor beauty of form into your living space.
You will draw to you people and experiences that are in harmony with the message that you are sending out from the core of your being. So it is with love. Your own attractor factor is the measure of the energy level that is about you. Work on enhancing your energy because that is what you want to do or because it simply feels right to do, and not for some exterior prompting or suggestion.
Don't wait in for love to come calling. Instead fill your days with activities that fulfill you and by being around people who make your spirit soar.
Love and spirited friendship will knock on your door and ask to be let in because you are open to this delicious opportunity yourself.
