by admin | Mar 17, 2020 | Simple Self Help
You have just one life and this comprises thousands of single days.
How you use your time is something written about in a hundred books. Lots of people are efficient at "time management" but dreadfully ineffective personally. Time management is not the answer.
You need to decide what you are looking to do each day and have a plan for this the night before. Make a simple list of the things ahead of you. This is easy enough. Then prioritize them according to your values and what is important to you. It is this step that takes the thoughtfulness, but which then gives you a list of tasks and activities that will make you effective in a powerful way.
Effectiveness means cutting through the everyday "stuff" that turns up in your diary and in-box, and getting on with what matters to you and what will really make a difference for you.
My friend and neighbour Simon is a complete wizard at dealing with paperwork and email. I once invited him over to the house to help me take back control of my desk. Not only did we go through a tonne of papers, files, letters, magazines, articles, bills, and emails, but we threw so much of it away that I was amazed.
We did the same with the contents of my filing cabinets and ended up getting money in for the office furniture and storage that was no longer needed. I had been hanging on to information in case I might one day need it. I was rather scared at throwing out all this "stuff" I had accumulated. Guess what he said to me?
"If it was really important, the people who sent it can let you have another version and most of them could even send it to you electronically and do away with the mass of paper."
What you will be doing from this moment on is a result of choosing where you focus your attention. I dislike the phrase "attention management" and suggest instead you just get on with it.
Rather than being driven by the time-bound calendar approach consider assessing what needs to be done on the basis of your values, your choices, and the things that make your life the exciting journey it is for you.
Measure your effectiveness by whether you are moving forward with the projects of importance to you. Everything else can go.
by admin | Feb 18, 2020 | Simple Self Help
Ever notice that people do stupid things that seem to hurt and upset you? Do you honestly think they really do all the dumb, crazy and stupid things they do, just to get you upset? Get real! They probably don't even know half the time that you are even aware of their own stuff. Do you really think that you can change them or their behavior unless they want to make the changes for themselves?
It might not be that someone is doing anything at all with a connection intended or otherwise of causing you upset. Years ago when I was broken-hearted that a girl had not noticed me, let alone done anything to encourage me to spend time with her, my friend Glenn put it perfectly.
"While you are sitting around at home and moping, she's out dancing."
He was right! In that instance I did not even figure in her thinking and yet I was reacting to nothing and imagining the worst of everything. Who was suffering in all of this ridiculous one sided 'pity-party' way of thinking? Only me!
What good is it doing you to hang onto critical thinking about other people? How much energy are you using up in holding negative and hurtful or painful thoughts about someone? Someone might actually be a jerk. Is it going to have much impact on your life? Not unless you choose to let it. Let them go. Free up some space in your mind and your heart for other better things to come in. You do want something better, don't you?
Other people's stuff is just that, it is theirs. It is not yours. One of the quickest ways for you to get yourself stressed out is to judge that:
a) what someone else does or how they lead their life is wrong, and
b) that it is your mission to either do something about it or to be affected by it.
Likewise, if you have found yourself imposing pain and upset on others and are aware of doing it, then stop now.
What right do you have to create this pain and hassle on them?
Closer to home, what good is it doing you anyway? What is the payback or benefit you get from wasting your energy this way?
I doubt you will see a single benefit worth holding out for and suggest you look in the mirror and let go of this behavior. Immediately.
You might just end up being happier and less stressed! That's what you can call a result!
by admin | Jan 21, 2020 | Simple Self Help
You will have heard the phrase "What You See is What You Get" and it is just as true for your speech. Self-Talk or what you say when speaking to yourself is the process of helping you change your results through changing the quality of your thoughts. How you comment on life has a way of bouncing back on you.
Consider the words that come out of your mouth and the thoughts you have. Little by little improve the quality of them, stop using critical language, start to create positive images in your mind. Reflect on good outcomes for your projects and begin to visualize the best results that are possible.
Speak well of yourself and others, of their ability and yours. Guess what? You will get what you see consistently in your mind's eye. Start to see good things happening and they will.
Try these simple and clear affirmations for effect and watch what happens in your life:
- "I am having a good day and great things are happening for me"
- "My life works."
- "I respect myself and my behavior and this gets me great results in all I do."
- "Applying my natural talents to the tasks in front of me allows me to be successful."
- "By identifying and choosing the results I want to achieve, I am likely to do the work necessary to get those same results."
- "My connection to my intuition and abilities is sufficient to create productive and successful outcomes in the goals that are truly important to me."
- "I like myself."
- "If it's to be, it's up to me."
Since your own mind is the one that you spend most of your time conversing with it makes perfect sense for you to speak with yourself in a way that is loving, appreciative and supportive.
A friend in Western Canada wrote me about how she had been experiencing such hard times in all areas of her life. Her personal finances were in a mess and she could not get any increase in earnings at work. At home she and her partner were frequently arguing and fighting over things that were almost inconsequential and yet caused great fights between them.
By taking the time to reflect on her own thoughts and the inner conversation she was having with herself, she was able to see that the words and language she had been using were largely self-critical. Around the subject of work and advancement within the company she had been thinking that her co-workers were better qualified and better skilled than herself, effectively dumbing down her own talent and ability. In her private life she was holding onto thoughts about her and her partner having nothing in common, and not being interested in any joint pastimes or activities.
Over a period of months she began to gently monitor her thoughts and the self-talk, inserting new phrases that helped her to recognise and acknowledge her skills in the workplace and the contribution she was capable of making at home. In her relationship she started to introduce more self-talk about her love for her partner and for his appreciation of her. Over time the friction between them lessened to the point that they were able to enjoy each others company again and develop their relationship to where they each wanted it to be.
The way you think and the quality or direction of those thoughts can have such a profound direct impact on your life that you should take some moments to consider how you are thinking.
Thoughts that are generally non-supportive might come though as worries, doubts or fears. More damaging still are thoughts around resentfulness, jealousy and anger. None of these can be of any real use to you and simply take up space in your thinking from other better trains of thought that could otherwise enhance your self-esteem, build your inner confidence and allow you to be more engaged with others on a daily basis.
Are you really able to hold onto a lingering thoughts of resentment about something that did not work out for you in the past, and still engage in an active conversation with a friend in the present moment? Unlikely. So you may as well begin to look at the way your thinking is creating your reality each day, and determine to have it work for you rather than against you.
by admin | Dec 24, 2019 | Simple Self Help
When you walk a friend around your home you want them to be amazed at what you have done with the space, intrigued by how you have created special places. Make your home an investment in allowing yourself to be your best, so that whether you are home with your family or out there in the world, doing whatever you do, you do it from a place of replenishment and strength.
Create and then protect your environment so that it nurtures and supports you in being truly yourself. Do whatever is necessary in terms of decoration, ornaments, attractive features, views, artwork, etc, to make the place a special one which will lift and inspire you.
If you need candles and music to relax, then don't delay in buying them and bring them home. But only bring home the ones that give you what you need.
If you feel better writing to friends on good quality traditional stationery instead of knocking out a quick email, then visit a stationery store, select a pen that you love and develop a special place for your writing and correspondence. This is a part of who you are and reflects a way that you can express yourself. Shortcuts are most often the ones that get you lost!
Likewise if you want to have the company of friends around for a special celebration of who you are and why they are important to you, then book a date in the diary and get the invites out!
On the down side of having your home as a reflection of yourself, are there any hidden - or plainly obvious - messages around the property that stare back at you? I am thinking of the clutter, rubbish, junk and other mess that you have allowed to accumulate about the place.
Try these areas to find things that may have seen their best times:
- Your wardrobe
- Your desk
- Wherever you keep your personal financial statements
- Your garage
- The attic or loft, perhaps the cupboard under the stairs
You will find things you thought you had lost and even more things you wish you had lost! Throw away those items that have no function, don't fit, have little value, and which you might never use again. If you insist on getting something in return then take it all to a car-boot sale, place small ads in your local paper, or get yourself an account with an online auction website and get some money for it.
A client told me of how she had finally thrown away the historic credit card bills of when she had been horribly in debt and which she had held onto as a sign of the troubles she had overcome. Yet, by refusing to throw these away for years, she had actually been reinforcing the feelings of debt, owing people, and agonizing about uncertain income. Within a few short months of throwing this negative junk she began to enjoy stronger and more regular income, for the first time in years.
What is the approach to your home like for yourself and those who visit you? This is so important given that if you work outside the house, it is the last impression when you leave and the first you see when you return at the end of the day. How does your pathway welcome you? What about the windows of your home?
Does the entrance reflect clarity and order, or chaos and uncertainty?
Are the images you hang on your walls ones that lift and motivate you or do you hang onto inherited items you don't want, but were afraid to give away?
Does the first room of the house fill you with positive images or drag you down mentally?
Let go of the rubbish, the clutter and the junk and make a space for more and better things to come into your life. Life will amaze you!
by Nick Sturgeon | Nov 15, 2019 | Simple Self Help
Have you ever had your partner speaking to you and you did not hear a word because you were thinking about something, worrying about a task, or considering the work for the next day? I can't believe you if you say you haven't been there! I've been there too often. I have literally ‘read the book, seen the movie and bought the T-shirt’ on this one! We get sidetracked by something when we are supposedly doing something else.
Years ago a friend introduced me to this simple and very powerful concept and it has made such a difference. "Be IN the room" means exactly this. When you are with someone give them your focus. This is the most important thing you have for someone else at the time.
If you are working on something make it the only thing you are doing for that time.
If you are teaching your kid to ride a bicycle, then you are teaching your kid to ride a bicycle. You are not answering your mobile or composing an email in your head.
If I am writing this page for you, then I am writing this page for you.
I am not thinking about making a drink, going through my post, seeing my children, watching a film, walking into the village or paying a credit card bill. I am writing this page. Just writing this page. Nothing else.
In another moment I can choose to sit by the pool when it is warm, walk along the beach for an hour, drive the children to school or to a sports club, or make a drink and sit by the fire on a cool afternoon.
Distraction can take us away from the moment we are in. It will prevent you from being present at some of the most magical, wonderful and touching moments of life, unless you recognize it and refuse to give it power.
Get yourself present in this moment and this place where you are. By letting your mind wander to other places, other things and commitments you will lose the benefit that comes from appreciating your current circumstances and situations. If losing the focus on where you are now takes away from your current experience, then get back in the game immediately. Be IN the room. It will make one huge difference that you will notice straight away.
You will also be aware that people notice your focus and appreciate it. Be here now.
by Nick Sturgeon | Nov 15, 2019 | Simple Self Help
It is so easy to see your home as simply the place where you sleep before heading out to the world. Instead look at it with the same eyes you had when you were excited about moving in, remembering the joy you felt when you browsed through the brochure before your first walk around the place.
Whether you live in an apartment, a back to back house, a penthouse, a building that is attached to one other or to hundreds of others in the street, this is the place you are in right now. You could be in a place you love, or you may be in one that leaves you with all sorts of feelings that you need to move on to something better. What matters is that either the whole space or a particular part of it is dedicated to being special for you.
Create a special place in your living room, decorate it just the way you want, hang great pictures around the property that inspire you. Find a corner of a room that you can fill with special photos, pictures, artwork or decorations that have special and positive meaning for you.
My own study occupies what was a spare bedroom. The doors of some fitted wardrobes are covered with fabulous cards with quotes on them that inspire me and fill me with hope. Pictures of friends and other special people smile out at me from the walls. I chose the space from a few options in the house, and it was important for me that I settled for an area where I could have some privacy when I wanted it, but also enjoy great views. Those views of the countryside are there precisely because of the time and thought that we put into the selection of the house as a family home that would create feelings of security and happiness for each of us.
The last thing you want to create is a mental picture of your home as a place of burden, debt and mortgage repayment! It is so much more enjoyable and also practical to see it the source of inspiration and place to rebuild yourself before venturing out into the world. And the biggest irony of all is this, that the less you focus on the things you don't want, the more you get what works for you and pleases you!
Create the space that will nurture you and allow you to be supported to do and achieve the things you seek, and to be the person you were born to be.
