In all that you have gone through and the unhappiness, anger and sadness you have felt, you have given a place to these feelings within yourself. Here is a simple method for loosening those attachments between your mind and body and moving to some resolution that supports the letting go.
Go to a quiet place where you can have half an hour to yourself and will not be disturbed as you go through this practice. You can lie on the floor so long as you are comfortable, or you can sit in a chair that supports you well. Have a notebook and pen nearby because once the physical exercise is done, you will likely find it helpful to make note of your thoughts and observations afterwards.
Start by closing your eyes and taking a cycle of ten steady breaths in and out, just to get yourself to a place where you can work through the process I am going to describe. Once you are feeling calm, think now about the thing you would like to release to let go of. Think about it, about how it makes you feel, and notice the emotions that come up as you focus upon this.
Take the strongest feeling you can identify and think about where you can find it in your body. All feelings will find a place in our body and create sensations that we are aware of. Perhaps you will feel heat, cold, stinging pain, dull pain, a throbbing sensation, tingling, or even cramp. From your objective self look at the sensation you are aware of. Notice how it is present and how you could describe it.
Now you are clear on the symptom and where it is showing up in your body, ask if there is a message attached to it. It could be a physical feeling or sensation. Perhaps it is a taste or a smell. Observe what is taking place without judging. Just let it be. It is what it is, nothing more. Be connected to the sensations that present to you.
Allow the process to continue until you feel that it is done or that you have received the message. Now it is time to repeat that cycle of breathing you did at the start, to relax and find a place of calm and peace. Move through this breathing and then allow yourself to sit up from the floor or to move gently up from your chair. Give yourself a good stretch of your body.
What did you notice and feel?
Pick up that notebook or journal and begin to write down what just happened. Write too about your feelings and thoughts of any message or point of release that came up for you in the process you have just taken yourself through. Pen or pencil will be best because you are committing straight to paper through your hand and body. Whatever comes out, just let it do so. Don't pause to edit or to take time out for analysis and judgement. Remember that it is what it is. There is no right or wrong, no crazy, silly or foolish. You are simply being lead to write what comes up and to faithfully record it in the moment. Get close to the whole thing. Keep your pen busy for as long as there is 'stuff' coming up to the surface for you. Stay with what presents itself through your pen to paper and keep writing until the connection to the feelings has gone.
- How might I see myself differently as a person?
- How can I use this experience to identify a new way forward in my life?
- What steps can I take to reduce the emotional pain of a similar future experience?
- Can I learn from this to let go of upset earlier?
- How might I retell the story I tell myself about what I went through?
Writing down the thoughts that surface will give you more steps to moving through your 'stuckness' around the letting go of that situation, scene or interaction with a person. Don't stop there with that first practical process. Do it again next week and then the week after. Any time you feel stuck or overwhelmed by the whole letting go process give yourself this private time to breathe, to notice the sensations in your body as they present themselves, and journal about the thoughts, ideas and emotions that come from the physical breathing exercise.
What has happened is just that, the past. You cannot change your past. You cannot remove what took place. However, you have the freedom and ability, as well as the means now, to look at the past with a new perspective and with a script that you can totally rewrite to take away guilt and any ill feeling over your actions or struggle. Remember this. It is what it is. Nothing more than this.
You can rewrite your story so that it serves you, rather than pulls you down. Remember this simple phrase, that "If it's to be, it's up to me."
When you note down your thoughts from the process, you will likely come up with new ideas for how you live moving forward, fresh approaches to how you enter into new activities and relationships.